


A Court of Ash and Fire

by Snow_mouse



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fights, M/M, Mentions of the Inner Circle (ACoTaR), Relationship(s), Snowball Fight, Tamlin is a tool, The Autumn Court (ACoTaR), The Court of Nightmares (ACoTaR), The Dawn Court (ACoTaR), The Day Court (Acotar), The Night Court, The Spring Court (ACoTaR), The Summer Court (ACoTaR), The Winter Court (ACoTaR), azriel is a batboi, azrielsloveinterest, babybatboi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:54:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 45,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25783216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snow_mouse/pseuds/Snow_mouse
Summary: Aaliz left Prythian during the ancient war, along with Miryam and Drakon. She's been living peacefully in Catrea ever since, but when the war with the hybern broke out, they came to help. During her stay, she finds her old crush again and on the way, she learns about a past she didn't know and about a destiny that has already been written in stone. But as she learns more about herself and the past she didn't know, she also puts the others in danger. Will there be a time of real peace or is the dangers lurking under the surface, just waiting to attack?And when an old enemy comes back, the wheel starts rolling and it's only a matter of time before the world is left in ash and fire.[ NB! This will take at the end and after "a Court of Wings and Ruins." And all credit goes to Sarah J.Maas, beside Aaliz, as it's my oc! ]
Relationships: Azriel (ACoTaR)/Original Character(s), Azriel and oc, Elain Archeron & Lucien Vanserra, Feyre Archeron & Rhysand, Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Comments: 22
Kudos: 43





	1. The war

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you so much for pressing on this story!  
> This is my first story so feedback is much appreciated!
> 
> If you wonder how to pronounce the name Aaliz, its: Ailis

There was something about boats and the water that always made me sick, despite the heavy wings on my back giving me the opportunity to fly there. Nephelle was up in the sky, but I was on duty in protecting the human man that had found Miryam. I hadn't been in Prythian in ages, ever since Thesan had let me go with Miryam all those years ago. But war raged on through the land with the king of Hybern, I really despised that guy.

"Are you sure you're alright?" the older man asked from his stand on the front of the boat, while I was leaning over the edge, trying not to puke. "Or should I get someone to bring some water for you?"

I shook my head and rose my head, my chestnut hair swaying away from my face as I smiled kindly at the man. He seemed kind enough, from the time I had been in his company, he had even told me everything about his daughters. They seemed kind enough as well, two of them stubborn, but at the same time, very lovely.

Miryam appeared out of thin air, scaring the hell out of me, but only chuckled softly at my reaction as I bowed to her, all the way down to my hip. She just patted my head like always, like a loyal puppy. I smiled before feeling nauseous once again and leaned over the edge of the boat, closing my eyes.

"I don't think she is very well."

"Oh, she will be. As long as I've known Aaliz, she hasn't let some nauseous feeling get rid of her strong will."

"Are you sure we shouldn't help her?"

"I can hear you; you know. I do appreciate the thought, but I am quite alright, if you don't take the enormous waves crashing into my face in consideration," I spoke up, raising my head once again as they both looked at me, the smile on their face telling me that they understood the feeling I was feeling. "Or the fact that I haven't been on the sea in forever."

"And here I thought I had trained a warrior to the core and not some girl making excuses."

I turned my whole body to face Drakon with a snort of disapproval, shaking my head as I threw my hands up in the air, my wings following the gesture. All three of them just laughed at me, and I shook my head as I shot up into the air, putting my hands over my ears as to ignore them from all the way up there. I looked to my sides, watching the boats we had brought along, three huge ships named after the stranger's daughters: Elain, Feyre and Nesta. None of the names was familiar, but they had a nice ring to it.

But my thoughts got interrupted as I spotted the disaster we were sailing towards, the ash dancing in the air and the wounded screaming in pain. It had been so long since I had been here, and this is the first thing I had seen when coming. Even though I was prepared for it, prepared to sacrifice my life if it was necessary for the greater good.

"Go, Aaliz. We got things covered here."

It had been Drakon talking as I glanced down and caught the blade just in time as he threw it up to me. I nodded and fastened the blade to my belt, rolling my shoulders before flapping my wings, sending me soaring forwards in high speed. The only problem was to know where to land and help out first, despite how hard I scanned the armies, it was hard to separate them all and the only army I actually could make out was the Illyrian army, the winter court's army and Thesan's army.

"Aaliz!" a familiar voice called out to me from underneath, making me look down.

Just seeing him made me smile grow on my face as I pulled the wings to me in a free fall and only let them out again to not crash on the ground as I pulled out the blade Drakon had given me and drove it through a Hybern soldier's neck. I didn't mind the warm liquid spilling on my face as I looked up at the captain I was so familiar with.

"Greetings, reinforcement has arrived," I said, sticking my tongue out slightly as he stuck his out at me. "And I'm ready to kick some ass. I'm at your disposal, captain."

I twirled around, slapping my wings in the enemies faces before driving my blade across their throats, watching them fall in the mud. But by the look of it, it wasn't going to stop any time soon, if the high lords didn't have any plan up their sleeves.

"Get up, Aaliz, help the Illyrians regain the control in the skies. And do not get hurt, little flower. I'm glad you're back, little sister."

No one needed to tell me twice as I crouched slightly, my grip around my blade tightening before I slapped the wings together and soared into the sky once again, chuckling despite the situation at hand. From up there, I could spot several of the other high lords, and some new faces. But I didn't get to do much before I spotted the Cauldron, and some ladies having some difficulties.

"Watch out!"

I should have paid attention, to my surroundings and everyone on the battle field, not letting my eyes scan like I just have. For what I felt next was like someone ripped my soul out, for each grip the Attor took with feathers, the more I lost height. The one who had called out to me became a blur as I felt more and more getting plucked out from my wings. But I wouldn't go down without a fight, I wouldn't go down without fighting. I had dropped the blade and only had daggers on my armour, giving me no choice. No matter how much it hurt, I swirled around, grabbed the Attor by the neck and flapped my wings to give myself more height. I only had one chance of doing this, of giving him what he deserved for making it hurt so badly.

"You think you are so smart? You think you can break me?" I asked, no, I snarled into its face as we just came higher and higher.

"Be weary little one, or the darkness might eat you alive," was all the Attor said as I watched it.

Once I knew I was high enough, high above the ground, I grabbed one of the daggers I had down in my boot and drove it into its wing, wanting it to feel the same pain I was feeling. I did the same to the other wing before simply letting him go, following him with my eyes as he fell down and eventually hit the ground, in the middle of enemy allies. But it was the pain in my right wing that got me back to the present, I didn't dare take a glance over at it, for I would hate the sight I would be met with.

A complete stranger had managed to grab me, and by the look of it, he wasn't on our side, but the pain blinded me as I watched him, his pointy ears and his light skin. The grip on my upper arms tightened as it filled our vision, the bird on fire soaring the sky. It was the most fabulous thing I'd ever seen, so majestic, and deadly. I watched it closely as it flew around the battlefield, every enemy turning into nothing as it flew past.

"Someone, get her!"

I hadn't even noticed, the grip on my upper arms disappearing and the ground getting closer, for my eyes followed the bird on fire even after it disappeared. But I didn't hit the ground as I saw Nephelle when I turned my head, her smile kind as she made the way down more pleasant.

"Haven't I told you that you should always keep an eye out for those nasty things?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at me as her feet hit the ground and I was let down.

"That was gorgeous, the bird on fire was beautiful. And seeing that made it so worth it, Nephelle."

She just shook her head at me as I turned to look up at the hill, where more and more of the high lords seemed to gather. The brown-haired girl up there must be Feyre, the high lady of the night court, I could recognize the marks on her hand at any time. Nephelle just threw an arm around my shoulders and brought me along to help out with medical attention, but after getting medical attention myself.

"Bring him back!"

It was the girl screaming, I could feel the pain in her voice by hearing those three words. The one that most likely had died must have been quite important to her. I stopped as I spotted my blade, picking it up and putting it in its sheath. Nephelle just nodded as I smiled sadly to her, before she went on, most likely trying to find Miryam somewhere between the wounded. While I stood there, eyes over to the hill and watched the high lords of all the courts gathering, one by one going to the girl and doing something, I couldn't clearly see what they were doing. But _I knew,_ I knew that they were doing what was expected of them, what they had to do with their status.

Despite my wing hurting like it, it wasn't probably the same as the high lady's pain from losing someone. I took a deep breath as I tore my eyes away from the hill and walked the way Nephelle had taken. But I could hear the song deep inside that wanted to come out, the song for the fallen and the wounded. For many had fallen in the battle, even before we had come and brought along three ships of soldiers. The man that had found us was nowhere to be found, but I didn't have the heart of thinking what had happened to him, if his heart was beating at all.

"Aaliz, come on."

Who had said it, I didn't care, I was just glad that someone gave me something to occupy my own thoughts from wandering through every piece of my mind. I walked over to the medical and sat down, lowering my head to hang low as they worked on the bleeding wing of mine. What had been the cause of everything, and why hadn't we gotten the message before? We could have saved more people, sending more people back to their families. If only we had gotten the message before and the cloaking spell on Cretea.

Wrapping up the wing didn't take long but healing the emotional wound from finding out how many we had lost would take a while, and I knew it would take some time. I spotted the familiar shoes of Miryam and looked up at her, going into her opened arms before the crying started.

"Now, now, little one, don't worry. More people survived than those who died," she whispered. She brushed through my hair as she sat down with me.

"Come on, my love. We are going to end up being late of meeting Feyre. And Aaliz, come along."

Drakon walked up to us, patting my head lightly as he smiled. I nodded softly and wiped away the tears, following after them as they walked away from the medical tent. Where we were going or why we were supposed to meet Feyre, I did not know, I didn't even know how to act around the other high lords beside Thesan. But that had also been many years ago, so I didn't know if he had changed or not.

I didn't get to think any further as we walked into the tent I assumed belonged to the high lady of the night court. But she wasn't there, but rather the high lord of the night court. He seemed surprised by seeing me there but smiled softly as I bowed all the ways to my hips for him before standing in the back of the tent, behind Miryam and Drakon.

Despite it being late, it didn't take long before the brown-haired girl walked into the tent, seeming surprised that Miryam in fact sat in one of the chairs, I could read her entire face as she stood there, looking over at the high lord of the night court in confusion.


	2. The meeting

Being back was nothing like I had expected it to be. I had left the high fae of the night court to speak to prince Drakon and Miryam, not wanting to stand in there to listen to stories that I didn’t find interesting. The night sky was more pleasing, but I could only watch from the ground as my wing was still healing. Of course, I would get ideas to do what I want, who didn’t? And soon enough, I was climbing up the tallest tree I could find in the forest close by.

“And why are you up here?”

I ignored the question as I sat down on a branch giving me the perfect view over the night sky, finding it calming to count the stars, it also helped her to ignore the pain in her right wing. If only it could heal faster, then I could soar against the sky, feeling like I could touch the sky so high above.

“Aaliz, are you deaf?”

He was right in front of me before I could even notice him, making me almost fall off my branch, but he grabbed my arms to prevent that. My eyes went over to his wings, he had seemed quite beat up himself, so why were he up here as well? But I didn’t answer him as I rose my eyebrows at him, pursing my lips, as well as turn my head to the side, pretending that I hadn’t even seen him.

But despite trying, I couldn’t hide the smile that crept onto my lips as he let out a small huff, the shadows around his shoulders swarming around like usual. I felt him steadying me up on the branch, taking a moment make sure I didn’t fall down before he started climbing down from the tree.

“Are you going to be at the meeting tomorrow?” I asked, glancing down at him after a moment. I didn’t really need to know the answer to that question, for if his loyalty was still as steady as it had all those years ago, he would be there to protect his family. And just the look he gave me gave me the confirmation that I needed.

“Are you?”

“That depends. If it’s fun or not.”

“It’s a meeting, Aaliz, it’s not supposed to be fun.”

“Azriel, I will tell you this one time. I’m never going if I don’t have to. The only reason I came here was to help out in the war, and as soon as Miryam and Prince Drakon heads back to Catrea, I am going on that boat. But it was nice to know you, Cassian, Rhysand and all of the others are still hanging on, and that every single one of you seems happier. And before you do say something, you must know; this isn’t my home and never will be. Amarantha destroyed that for me.”

He only looked at me with pain in his eyes, like he knew, like he knew the pain I was going through. I didn’t have time before he had gotten up on the same branch as me and hugged me in a tight embrace, just petting my head gently before letting go. The smile was only small, but knowing that he was okay, and that I didn’t have to worry anymore, it felt good.

“Why haven’t you gotten Thesan or Feyre to heal your wing yet?” he asked, his words nothing more than whispers in the darkness.

“I haven’t given it a thought, and they’re most likely busy. Thesan with my brother and Feyre is busy with Miryam, Rhysand and Prince Drakon,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders. There was no need to heal my wing, I just didn’t see the point in healing it if it was only going to get hurt any other way anyway.

Azriel only looked at me before he winnowed away, leaving me behind to look at the stars in peace. It was peaceful, beside the screaming of the soldiers a distance away. Despite the stars being the same as the ones in Catrea, these felt different somehow. Maybe it was all because of what she had been the witness of, or maybe it just felt weird with everything on her mind, I could put my finger on it. It was weird being back, but I felt like there was something lurking in the dark, something else, something yet not discovered or known to Prythian.

What frightened me more wasn’t the fact that Azriel winnowed in front of me, but the fact that he so easily picked me up, winnowed us both to a river and threw me in.

“What are you thinking? It’s cold,” I snarled at him as I got up from the river and shook my wings, holding around myself. But he didn’t seem to mind my words as he pointed to the stone in front of me, and I didn’t want to fight with him, so I sat down.

“You should take better care of your wings, little one,” he said before I felt his hand so gently on my right wing, exactly where the Attor plucked out the feathers. What he did, I didn’t know, and I wasn’t going to ask about it, especially with how sensitive my wings were.

“Says you, your wing looks worse than mine,” I snarled, even though I didn’t mean to, but he didn’t answer to that, just chuckled lowly to himself and his shadows.

It didn’t take long before I didn’t feel his hands on my wing any more and when I turned around to see if he was there, he wasn’t. But it was foolish of me to think he would be there; he was probably back with Rhysand and the others. I let out a deep sigh as I got up and looked up at the moon, almost wanting to curse the shit out of it for putting me in this situation.

“If only emotions didn’t exist…” I mumbled, turning away from the lake and walked between the trees.

**†**

As I had told Azriel, I didn’t attend the meeting the next day, despite literally everyone going. I hadn’t even been close to anyone the days after either, just sticking to myself on one of the boats we had brought with soldiers the day of the war. Being there had been peaceful, since the soldiers were still in the camp, or following Prince Drakon around like bodyguards, despite the threat being terminated. I was just sitting by the front of the boat, letting my eyes wander around the area in front of me, chewing on some nuts as I sighed softly.

“So, it’s here you are.”

“I want to be left alone, Prince Drakon.”

“Who said I was going to strike up a conversation with you, little one?”

I glanced over as he sat down next to me and took some of my nuts, not even looking over at he did so.

“The war is over, and you’re home-“

“This isn’t my home,” I hissed, cutting him off. I hadn’t meant for my words to come out as aggressive, but with him too trying to tell her where her heart was, it was tiring.

“Aaliz, please hear me out. I know that you left because you saw how Azriel looked at Mor, it’s not a secret for anyone from Catrea, or your brother. But you can’t just run away from your feelings, or the fact that they might need you. You can make a change, little one. Miryam and I are going to stay here for some more days, so that will give you enough time to think over your decision, but never forget that despise what you’re going to choose, you will always have a home in Catrea.”

Drakon then left me alone once again, soaring into the sky, probably to get back to Miryam. And I knew he was right, but it still didn’t change the fact that I didn’t feel at home here, despite the people caring the most about me being here.

**†**

Thesan had invited everyone to the dawn court for a big announcement, and I didn’t have a choice but to accompany Nephelle, Miryam and Prince Drakon to the court. So, there we were, sitting in the big room, in a circle of chairs with a small pond in the middle. I was watching the fish eagerly as I blocked out the conversation going around through every single one in there. Before entering, I had seen Azriel, but he had just nodded to me, not said anything about helping me with my wing or push on the topic about me staying here or not. For a fact, my wing had in fact healed quite well and when Thesan had found out I still haven’t gotten my wing healed, he had healed it without question, even before I could protest about it.

“And therefore, since the last masquerade you had ended in chaos, we shall throw another one, humans and fae all invited.”

It had been Feyre that had spoken with her hand intertwined with Rhysand’s fingers, but her eyes watching the group of high lords and Vassa, one of the mortal queens. Several of them looked at each other before small talk occurred. I looked out of the windows and at the golden armours flying by here and now, some of them waving to her as they recognized from another time.

My brother walked up to my side and just put a hand on my shoulder, saying nothing. He never had to say anything when I was conflicted about anything, he just knew that doing small things like this wouldn’t make me go in a big panic, and the last time he had gotten me mad at him, I threw him over the balcony. I glanced up at him with a small smile and nodded slightly before looking back at the skies, feeling calmer, even with the small chatter in the background of the high fae.

“Are you attending?”

“Only if Thesan chooses what I should wear.”

He chuckled softly, shaking his head before going back to his lover, putting a hand on Thesan’s chair. I shook my head slightly as I did the same, but with Prince Drakon and Miryam, holding one hand on each chair, raising an eyebrow at my brother, like I was daring him to do something. But he wasn’t even looking at me, so I took a glance around the crowd of people and caught Azriel looking at me, if only for a second. During that second, my mind drifted to our conversation and I suddenly didn’t feel so happy about the masquerade ball they were planning, for what was the happiness in that when I didn’t even know if I wanted to stay or not?

So, I walked out of the room and out on the balcony before just jumping over the railing, letting my wings out and soar up in the sky, not even noticing the tears streaming down my face as I flew through the skies and ignored every solider that greeted me.

“Aaliz!”

If I didn’t know better, I would say it was Azriel’s voice calling out, but he should be sitting inside with the others, he belonged there. I stopped and just turned around, but he came too fast and crashed right into me. But he grabbed my arms despite us falling down.

“It’s okay, it’s okay to cry, I know how you feel. This isn’t where you belong.”

Hearing those words coming out from him made it even more hard to decide whether I wanted to stay or leave with Miryam after the masquerade. I just hid my face in his chest as I held onto his Illyrian leather armour.

“Everyone got worried when you just took off like that, especially Drakon and Miryam. You scared them, so Rhysand sent me after you, making sure you were alright,” he said in a whisper as I could feel his hand running through my hair as he just let me cry, turning on his back to let the wing carry us.

And it was at that moment that I truly realized how much I had fallen in love with the shadowsinger, the one person I shouldn’t have fallen. Even when all of the memories came back from all those years ago, I cried into his armour, not being able to face my thoughts and feelings all alone. The sad part was that I had noticed how he kept looking at Mor, how his eyes told everyone how worried he was when she even walked out of the room. But this was enough for me, just hearing soothing words from him and feeling his arm run through my hair while the other held me just beneath my wings, this was all I needed, and this was what I was going to be pleased with, just knowing he cared.


	3. Thoughts and fishes

Azriel stayed with me until I’d calmed down and wasn’t sad any longer. He just sat there while I was looking at the skies and drinking the tea he had made in the kitchen. Even though he was there just because Rhysand asked him to, I didn’t mind, he was at least not like Cassian, asking everything he shouldn’t ask. The silence was more comfortable than being alone, and just laying in the grass, feeling the cold breeze on my skin was making me sleepy.

“Rhysand needs me, I’ll be back if he asks me to, or he’ll get someone else to fetch you.”

I just waved my hand at him in a small goodbye and closed my eyes, already knowing that he had winnowed away before I could even do the small gesture. I didn’t remember where I was, but to judge by the flowers and all, I assumed I was in the spring court, or maybe in the mortal realm, it was so peaceful.

“I didn’t think anyone would be out here.”

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was his golden hair, then his eyes, and lastly the smirk on his lips as he hovered over me. I just rose an eyebrow at him and turned to my side, closing my eyes again as I didn’t want company. So, I had been in the spring court with Azriel, and he probably left because he could sense Tamlin coming this way, or maybe Rhysand really needed help. The second was the more likely one, or so I thought.

“Aaliz, don’t be such a baby.”

How dared he, even though he was a high lord, he couldn’t just say that to someone. I got up from the grass and tilted my head slightly. Tamlin seemed to chuckle at my reaction to his words, but he shrugged and turned away. This was just like when we were younger, but I hadn’t felt like I did then for a long, long time and it showed. He stopped three feet away from me before winnowing away, making me even more confused. But the confusion was cleared as soon as he touched her wing, making her shudder.

“Oh, so your wings are still the soft spot.”

I turned around and growled lowly as he winnowed away, but I wasn’t going to play a game of cat and mouse, I didn’t feel like playing games. And that was how I started walking, and before he could even say anything, I had turned around to face him, my blade dangerously close to his throat. It seemed to have caught him off guard as he held up his arms in defeat.

“Stop playing games, Tamlin. I heard what you did to Feyre’s sisters. Quite not planned if I must say so,” I growled, but his eyes, they darkened in anger as he heard what I had just said.

And the next thing I knew, I was thrown backwards, high up in the air then back down on the ground, right on my side. I didn’t show any pain as he walked over to me, looking down at me, his eyes now back to normal, no, they looked sadder.

“Aaliz, I’m-“

Tamlin didn’t get to continue his words as shadows appeared and Feyre appearing on the other side of me, a hand out in warning to the high lord of the spring court. She seemed pissed as she glanced down at me then back up at Tamlin.

“Leave her alone, get your anger under control and then maybe you could stop throwing stuff.”

I rose my hand to say something, but neither of them seemed to pay attention to me, they just stared at each other, before Tamlin turned away first and headed back to the mansion and Feyre just winnowed us out of there.

**†**

She had just winnowed me to the dawn court before winnowing away again. I didn’t even get the chance to thank her for getting me, but at the same time, I didn’t want to die in the process, especially with the look she had been having in her eyes when she had gotten me from Tamlin. The look in her eyes had told me more than she could admit, especially how she still cared about him, but was still mad at him for what he had done to her sisters.

I sighed as I walked through the halls, rubbing my sore shoulder before I got to my room, or where I was staying while being here and deciding whether or not I would stay in Prythian. This kind of silence was deafening, like I was being trapped inside and couldn’t let out my wings. Just like _something_ had listened, the windows opened up wide and let the air rush inside in a high speed.

_“Come, child. Let me take a look at you and I shall help you with the worries on your mind.”_

The voice was deep, calming, almost like Azriel’s had been when he had whispered soothing words into my ear just hours before. Even my heart hurt as I took slow steps towards the window where the voice had come from.

_“Yes, come now child. Let me take the pain you’re feeling so you no longer feel like you can’t spread your wings.”_

How had it known exactly what I had been thinking moments before? Neither Rhysand nor Lucien was here, so no one could have known the thoughts running through my hair. And Feyre had just left. I stopped by the window and glanced around, searching for the source of the voice. But there was something else that caught my attention, making me turn away from the window and look at the shadowsinger burst through the door. He seemed to search the room before his hazel eyes found mine, no, not at me, but at something behind me. My eyes widened before I could feel it, the light hands on my back by where my wings started, making me frozen in place.

“Don’t you touch her!” he screamed, catching me off guard before he took three steps and turned me around, having my back against his chest and one of his hands covering my eyes. I didn’t dare to remove them as I heard the scream, but it didn’t come from Azriel at all, no, it came from whatever had been behind me. Whatever it was, I could already feel the presence disappear more and more for each second that passed.

“Never look at that, it will show you your worst nightmare,” he said, his voice gently as he let down his hand from my eyes.

I blinked before I turned around to look at him, opening my mouth to say something before glancing over my shoulder. Long ago, I had heard about it, but had never thought it would end up here, or that it could talk like someone else.

“What’s your worst nightmare?” I asked, turning back to Azriel as he ran a hand through his hair.

“I’ve already lived through it, so it didn’t take that much of a toll on me.”

He had already lived through his worst nightmare. What the hell had happened while I was gone? I shook my head and went to close the windows, locking them at the same time. Right now, I didn’t need to hear any nightmares or feel the wind on my skin. Azriel sat down by the fire and kept an eye on me, I could feel it as I went to grab a blanket from my bedroom. I then proceeded to sit down in the other chair and draped the blanket over her shoulders, not even minding that it was draped over my wings as well.

“I could hear it whisper, and we’ve been following it for the past hours. Or, Feyre was originally doing it but then I remembered that I left you at spring court and she offered to get you. And when she winnowed back to the night court, she said someone should check up on you.”

For some reason, I could already imagine how it went down; Rhysand and Feyre taking up the hunt on the thing that was just here, and Cassian was with Nesta and Elain, protecting them. And since he had seen it before, he most likely didn’t want to approach it yet another time. That left Azriel to come here and keep an eye on me.

I shook my head as I watched the fire, focusing on my own thoughts as I took a sip of the tea that appeared on the table between us. There was nothing to be said, we didn’t have anything to talk about, and for some reason, I knew that he didn’t mind the silence at all. It was just how he was, a man of normally few words and quick thinking, and a heart so big that keeps worrying about his friends. No, they weren’t just his friends, they were his family and he would want to do anything to keep them out from harms. But what was he doing here if he so desperately wanted to be somewhere else and protect the family he had earned throughout the years? Why were he here with me when I didn’t even know where I belonged? And not only because of the creature that had just tried to make me give in to my worst nightmare. Just the thought of what I could have seen made me shiver, even though I knew exactly what I would have seen if it had gotten its will.

Azriel had disappeared as I pushed the thoughts away and glanced over to the side. I took it as a sign that he had been called somewhere else, somewhere where his family needed him. But why couldn’t he see that I also needed him, needed him to block out all of the thoughts that kept on haunting me?

But I shook my head at my own thoughts yet again and got up, putting the blanket down and went out of the room, going to the big hall, sitting down by the fishes in the middle of the room, watching them swim around so freely. I was jealous of them, how they didn’t have to worry where they were swimming as they had been given a home by Thesan and my brother. A low sigh left me as I closed my eyes, finding my eyelids heavy, but I hadn’t been tired just moments before.

Despite that, I laid down by the fishes and it was like I could Azriel’s voice as a low singing occurred, the voice so soothing and calm, just like the shadows in the corners of the room. It made me feel more at home, safer as I loosened every tense muscle in my body.

**†**

It was warm and comfortable as I woke up from the sleep, finding myself in my room. My pyjamas on and a cloak covering me. The pyjamas were probably one of the maids in the castle that had prepared. As I brought the cloak up to my nose to smell it, I couldn’t help but smile. Night-chilled mist and cedar, that was the scent the cloak gave off. I wrapped it around my shoulders as I got up from the bed, opening the curtains to reveal the night stars, but that didn’t stop me from opening the window and look up at the stars, not minding the wind running through her hair anymore.

“I’m here to help you choose what you’re going to wear!” a deep and rich voice from my door. I could recognize that voice from miles away. My smile didn’t falter as I turned around to face Thesan and his slight smirk. “And I’m going to make sure you look perfect for the masquerade tomorrow, even if it takes hours. So, come now, little one, let’s begin.”

Either my brother had told him, or he had been listening on our conversation early that morning, but I didn’t mind either way, at least I would look decent. Like, if my brother were to dress me, I would probably wear fighting leathers over a too big and suffocating dress. Thesan at least knew fashion, at least by how he dressed every single day.

“Just make sure I don’t look like a balloon, okay?” I asked, just getting a laugh in return.


	4. Masks and gold

Just as Thesan had said, we used hours to find the perfect dress, or so he thought it was perfect. I was standing by the mirror by the window in my room, admiring the colour of it. The dress was long, all the way to my ankles, the back was bare, so my wings didn’t have any difficulties, the upper part looked like feathers turning inwards made of metal, while the skirt was not too big or too small in size.

“You might even fool people to think that you’re in a high position,” Thesan said before helping me with the necklace.

I inhaled as I sat down by the window, glancing out at the golden skies that roamed the sky. The cloak from last night was draped over the edge of my bed, and there was its spot for today.

A knock on the door caught both me and Thesan off guard, and the one walking through the door wasn’t anyone I expected it to be. Tarquin from summer court walked through the door and smiled softly, his light blue eyes taking me in.

“Oh, that’s right! I totally forgot that Tarquin was the one who matched your outfit for tonight and I asked him to be your escort,” Thesan said before walking out of the room in a hurry, possibly afraid I would yell his skin full.

But I just shook my head and took in the sight of Tarquin, the blue and gold in his tunic really looked well along with my dress. It was a wonder he didn’t go with his sister and Varian. Even his crown of sapphire and white gold seemed to fit so well in his outfit. His white hair was up halfway, braided from each side and back to the middle, possibly being braided all the way to where his hair ended.

“We’re going to be late if we don’t leave now. But first, may I have the honour of helping you put on your mask for the masquerade, my lady?” he asked, and if I didn’t know my feelings for Azriel, I would most likely fall for Tarquin, even though he was still new to being a high lord. I simply nodded and walked over the floor, my heels clicking softly against the floor.

His hands were gentle, and he kept on looking over my shoulder and at the mirror to see if it was sitting correctly before he gently tied it behind my head, but between the layers of hair in my hairstyle. It was gorgeous, the way it looked like feathers layered over each other, and small golden chains hanging down beneath the eyes, it was stunning. Once he was done, he let his hands rest on my shoulders and sighed softly.

“I know I’m not the one you hoped to escort you to the masquerade, but I’ll make sure you have a good time.”

I didn’t even think about it, I didn’t mind Tarquin being the one who escorted me. But when he brought it up, my smile faltered, and I looked up at him with sad eyes before nodding. At least he knew that I wasn’t going to pretend like I even was interested in him.

“Thank you, my lord. We shall go before everyone is waiting for us.”

He nodded, spinning me around to put my hands around his like a proper lady should have done, before the last thing my eyes saw was the cloak on the bed smelling like night-chilled mist and cedar.

**†**

By the time we arrived, the masquerade was in full swing, and to everyone’s surprise, it had been the autumn court that had hosted the entire thing, with Eris in the leadership, all due because his father was away on a trip or something. I folded my wings behind my back to not knock over anyone as Tarquin lead me down the stairs, some faces seeming familiar, and some didn’t, stood on each side of the chairs. The high lords, and lady, was really easy to spot with their crowns upon their head signalling their status, even though I still didn’t see why they bothered to put them on, they were heavy and must hurt a lot.

“I’ll have to leave you for a slight moment, I see my sister and Varian,” Tarquin excused himself as we walked out onto the dance floor.

I nodded in an agreement before going to the food table, figuring to eat something since I had skipped breakfast. At least the food here looked much better than in Cretea, I had to give Prythian that. Everything looked majestic as I looked around the room, chandeliers hanging from the roof, windows from the floor to the room to give the room a rich amount of sunlight, and the autumn colours was just majestic with all of the colourful dresses that people wore. I could see Elain and Lucien dancing, Feyre and Rhysand standing by the windows, and Mor was standing with Azriel, but looked around the crowd instead, not paying him enough attention, or that was in my opinion.

About two songs passed before Tarquin came strolling across the floor and smiled ever so gently as he held a hand out towards me, bowing slightly with his head. I copied the smile on his face as I gently put my hand in his and nodded, no words were needed to be spoken in our silent agreement. He kept me close as he led me around the dancefloor, in a calm dance.

“I asked Rhysand to do something for you.”

“What did you ask of him?”

“You should see for yourself,” Tarquin said and brushed a hand down my bare back. I frowned as I didn’t feel him hit my wings, like they weren’t there at all. “How do you like it?”

I was shocked as I glanced over my shoulder and in fact didn’t see my wings where once had been. Tarquin laughed lowly to himself as he observed my reaction, like he found it amusing that I was totally shocked and lost of words. Rhysand just nodded to us as I glanced over, the smirk on his face, but it didn’t last long before he looked over at his mate and continued to chat with her about the festivities. I looked back at the high lord of summer before I was twirled around, his hand resting on my lower back as I was pulled towards his body again.

“I figured you would enjoy that, even if its for some hours,” he said as he looked over my shoulder.

Before I could even look over my shoulder and at what he was looking at, the song ended and he stepped away, bowing slightly before heading back to his own court. I was about to go back to the food table when a scarred, yet soft hand took a hold of mine and the face I was met with was just as collected as always. He led me gracefully around the dancefloor, being aware of his wings and the other dancers as well. His hand was gently, yet firm on my lower back, showing me where to move. I couldn’t look away from his hazel eyes as he looked at me with a small smile coming onto his lips.

“Why do you look at me like that?” I asked.

“Because the last time I saw you so calm was when you fell asleep watching the fishes in the small pool in the middle of the huge room in dawn court.”

“You were there? Oh, wait, I know you were. Was it you that was singing that lullaby?”

He chuckled, shaking his head as he twirled me yet again before pulling me even closer, closing his eyes as he put his head on top of mine. I had to fight the urge to take in his smell, and it was like nothing else mattered, but us two. Despite the room being full of people, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that if the world would go under at this very moment, I wouldn’t have minded it the slightest.

“I’m so sorry, Aaliz. I have to speak to Rhysand and the court about something.”

With that, he stopped, exactly at the same moment as the music. He had his court and I knew that he loved them very much, and that the thing he needed to talk about them with was a new threat, despite a war just ending some days ago, but I still could see where this would end up going. I nodded and let him go, keeping my eyes on him as he walked over to his court. Everyone seemed to be quite busy with their own things, so I went back to the food table, trying to find something to drink. My wings had appeared once again as I forced them back.

“A peregryn in a dress with her wings out is such a rare sight,” a voice said from next to me.

I didn’t even need to turn around to know that it came from Eris. He got in front of me and held out a hand, as well as bowing ever so slightly. “May I also have a dance with this beautiful being?”

People were watching, high lords and humans alike. I took a deep breath before grabbing a glass of rich wine, downing it in one go. Then I put my hands in his and was brought back onto the dancefloor. It wasn’t like I had anything against Eris, some people might, but I certainly didn’t. He was just someone who wanted power like everyone else in this room, one way or another. It took me about three of four _long_ dances to even get the courage to speak up to him and by now, the evening sun was the one making everything inside the ballroom shine with such a lovely glow that I could stare at it for days. But even then, I didn’t much on what I was going to say to him, there wasn’t really any common interest we shared. If I thought about it, it was absolutely none, so I did start with something I knew he would find amusing, and if he didn’t find it amusing, I wasn’t a peregryn, or half a peregryn.

“Here I thought that you would flirt with someone else to get what you desire,” I said as I followed his lead, not even bothered to listen to the music playing in the background.

“This is a celebration for uniting the fae and humans, why wouldn’t I want to put aside my selfish desires and actually enjoy myself for once?” he asked, glancing down at me before glancing at someone over my head as he twirled me around, and when I got back to him, he dipped me backwards, giving me the chance to see what was behind me.

And I could feel my heart break into a million pieces as I saw Azriel watching us, but with pain in his eyes. But it disappeared as soon as he noticed that I had seen him. Rhysand, Feyre and More was nowhere to be seen, it was just him, Cassian and Nesta. The look on his face made me want to cry, I didn’t want him to feel like this or overthink about the situation. But it was also rude to stop in the middle of a dance. As Eris brought me to my original height, he seemed to have a smirk on his face.

“What do you think is running through his head at his moment, darling? Do you think he is thinking about-“

I hadn’t cared about my reputation as I ripped my hands free from his. The room quieted down as the sound of skin on skin became louder than the music. But I hadn’t even dared to move. And it had happened within a second, the smell of night-chilled mist and cedar lingering as the shadowsinger had winnowed both himself and Eris somewhere else, leaving me behind. I stood there and looked around in confusion, what had just happened?


	5. Wine and words

I had been left behind after Azriel had grabbed Eris and winnowed out from the room, and I didn’t know where they could be by now. Just thinking about the possibilities of where he could have brought him made me start pacing around the room, trying to think like Azriel. 

“Aaliz, what happened? Where did Azriel go?” Mor asked as she got in my line of vision.

“I don’t know, I was dancing with Eris and-“

_“You_ were dancing with _Eris?_ We have to find him before he tried to murder him.”

“What? He would do that?” I asked, clearly shocked over the news I had just gotten from the blonde. But it did make sense with how he looked at us from the wall and how he had previously acted, like at the meeting at dawn court, had Eris even looked at me at that time?

By thinking through this, I didn’t even give Mor a chance to answer as I tore off the mask from my face, not even bothered by the cut it made. I threw it away before throwing off my shoes as well, then picked up my skirt before running up the stairs and out there. The words Mor had spoken wasn’t lies, it was a reason she was always there whenever Rhysand needed to convince someone of the truth, she could only speak the truth.

I called out his name multiple times as I felt grass underneath my feet. He had to be around here somewhere, he would be close if something occurred, right? Even if he wasn’t, I had to find him soon or he would get himself in deep trouble.

“You are horrible at hiding what you’re feeling, shadowsinger.”

There, even if it was so distant, I could hear them. Eris’ voice was seriously annoying when he was saying things that wasn’t even his business. But that didn’t stop me from running as fast as I could, despite hitting the trees with my wings, and the branches whipping my body as it wanted. And soon enough, I came to the clearing and saw Azriel’s fist raised to make his hit.

“Azriel! Don’t do it, let it him,” I yelled at the top of my lungs, panting as I tried to catch my breath. By his reaction, he must have thought I wouldn’t be coming after them.

I took this moment to look down at myself, my dress being ripped in several places, but it wasn’t something I couldn’t fix later on. But putting my dress aside, I walked into the clearing and was about to take a hold of his hand, but his head snapped away. Just as I was about to take a step back, he turned back at me and threw himself at me. I inhaled as I felt a hand under my head and all I could see was his chest, but I could feel the flames lick the tips of my wings.

“Stay away from me, shadowsinger. You should be grateful enough that I won’t burn you into nothing,” Eris said.

There was something in his words that made me push Azriel off me and got up, walk over and grab the hand he was using to control the fire. He watched me as I rose an eyebrow, ignoring the pain of the flames licking up my arm, heading further and further away from him as possible.

“And if you do that, I’ll let you know what a peregryn can do,” I said, my words smooth as silk as I let his hand go, but connected it with his face, sending him flying into a tree.

It was Tarquin that stopped me from kicking his ass, he even surprised me as I felt the fire let go of me and instead was replaced by the water he was controlling. Azriel sat on the ground behind me and just observed as the high lord of summer came up to my side, smiling ever so softly. Either Azriel had told Rhysand about Eris through some kind of link, or Tarquin had been following me since the moment I kicked off my shoes and threw away my mask to follow after Azriel. I didn’t know what to say, I could only stand there and watch Tarquin walk so gracefully to where I was standing.

“I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t touch my escort, Eris. You might have helped in the war, but you still don’t have your father’s position,” he said, his words collected.

**†**

Azriel was sitting in the same chair as he had the day before, just staring at the fire as I gently put an ointment on the small burns here and there. We hadn’t said anything since Tarquin had winnowed us both here and said he would excuse us both in our place. I didn’t know what to say, so I kept quiet, and I doubted that Azriel would say something as well since he just stared into the fire longer and longer.

“Ma’am, I got the wind you requested.”

One of the maids smiled so softly as she walked in with a tray of two bottles, it was the least amount I needed to get my mind off the silence.

“Please do put them on the table over there and thank you very much.”

She bowed slightly before doing as requested and left the room with a small giggle on her mouth. I paid her no mind as I finished putting ointment on Azriel’s wings and put the jar down. He was still just sitting there, so I headed towards my bedroom to change out from the slightly burned and ripped dress. But I didn’t get far before I felt two arms hold around me, barely giving me time to pull in the wings so he actually could do so. Azriel just put his head on my shoulder as he sighed, something must have bothered him all this time.

“What’s on your mind, Az?”

He shifted behind me as he debated whether or not he should tell me what had been bothering him since we had gotten here, but I gave him time, even if it was all he needed in this cruel world. I put my hands over his and leaned back till I felt his chest against my back, before I closed my eyes and took in his scent. His arms tightened slightly, but not like he wanted to restrain me from moving, no, it was more like he wanted to protect me from whatever haunted his thoughts.

“I’m okay. I’ll always be okay, especially when you’re always there to save me somehow.”

If he understood, I didn’t know, he never gave anything away as he just stood behind my with his head on my shoulder. Azriel let go after several moments of holding me close and went back to the chair he had been sitting in. I seriously didn’t know what was going through his head as he continued to stare into the fire one again, but I took this to go into my bedroom and get a more comfortable dress from the closet.

Azriel was standing by the window as I walked out of my room and turned around only when I made a move for the wine I had made the maid come in with. He just moved over and took the glass from my hand before downing it in one go.

“You shouldn’t drink before going to sleep.”

“And what about you? You’re going to get drunk if you take every cup I pour.”

“I got a high tolerance.”

He seemed quite steady on his words, so I kept on pouring the cup until one of the bottles was empty, and he downed all of them before I could even put the bottle down. Even then, he seemed to be quite steady on his feet. I filled his glass once again and took a huge sip from the bottle before he could even try and stop me. The moment he realized what I did, he looked so defeated and put down the cup before grabbing the bottle away from me, keeping it out from my reach.

“Give it back, Azriel. I need a drink after what happened today,” I said as I tried my hardest to reach it without using my wings like any other being would.

“No, you only need a good night sleep and that’s what I’m going to make sure you get.”

I snorted in response as I jumped onto the table before kicking from that and grabbed the wine as I also grabbed his hand, so I didn’t fall on my face. Once I had managed to grab it, I took off out of the window and took a large sip.

“Better luck next time.”

“Aaliz!”

With another sip, I rolled my shoulders and released my wings. The wind got caught in them, making me laugh loudly as I watched him lean out of the window and follow me with his eyes. Something in them started sparkling as the smile tugged on his lips, and the next thing I knew, he had jumped out of the window and came soaring towards me, but I pulled the wings towards my back, letting myself fall down as I took another sip from the bottle in my hands, while I kept an eye on him.

“Really, Aaliz? Are you trying to prove a point here?” he asked, just following whatever I did.

The moment the bottle was empty, I stopped going up and down in the skies, preventing him to grab it from me. I smiled softly as he let himself linger a foot away from me, like he was checking if I was still sober or actually lied about my tolerance. But I just rose an eyebrow at him, before wiggling them in confusion and because he looked so damn serious most of the time. This wasn’t a time to be serious and worry about everything, the night was still young, and he was supposed to watch over me, even though I didn’t really know why. Azriel slowly slid over to me and took my hands in his before he twirled me around.

“You looked beautiful today. It represented you as a person and it showed off your beautiful wings, also where you came from one time…” he started, his hazel eyes watching me with something I couldn’t translate as we softly flew in circles, just like if we were on a ballroom just like earlier the same day. “Please don’t leave, Aaliz.”

Four words, that was all that took for me to groan before I was brought back to reality. That was right, I had to decide whether I wanted to join Miryam and Drakon early the next morning or if I wanted to stay in Prythian.

“Azriel. You already know why I can’t just stay here, and even if it might end up being the wrong choice, I can still say that I decided it by myself. And you won a war, the high lords here don’t need me here, I’m just a burden getting on everyone’s bad side and gets everyone in trouble one way or another. Miryam and Drakon needs me in Catrea, I have a purpose there.“

He seemed to get even more sad as he listened to my words, it brought tears to my eyes as I watched him avert his gaze from mine. “But I also need you.”

Five words this time, it was all that was needed to make the tears fall down my face as I felt his hands slip out of mine. I didn’t want to make him feel this way, but I had, I had broken his hopes. We went back to the room and I watched him start to winnow away, but I grabbed his hand. That action alone must have caught him off guard as it stopped, the shadows around him silenced down.

“And I need you, Azriel. Never think otherwise, I could have stayed in Catrea when we went out, but I-”

I was cut off by his hands gently holding my face as his eyes scanned my life, my tear-filled cheeks and the way I bit into my lip to prevent the sobs from leaving them. He only nodded like he understood, before he leaned down and planted a small, soft kiss on the corner of my mouth.

“It’s your choice, Aaliz. Remember that you are your own person and you glow just like Thesan, but from here,” he whispered, putting one of his hands over my heart. “And I don’t want _you_ to ever forget that.”


	6. Amarantha

The next day, I was walking down to the boats. I had to figure this out by myself and I had said again and again; _this isn’t my home, Catrea is._

“Are you sure this is what you want, Aaliz?”

Miryam took my bag and handed it to Drakon before taking my hands in hers, giving them a small squeeze as to reassure me that she did understand what I was going through, what was running through my head.

“I just want to go home, Miryam. And this isn’t it.”

She nodded her head before letting go of my hands, smiling gently as she went on her and Drakon’s boat. I was to take one of the other boats to make sure it actually reached Catrea, and I didn’t mind, that saved me from questions from both of them, not that I found it annoying, I just needed time to think for myself.

“Let’s get ready to leave, people!”

Walking to the boat was tough, memories of the past days flashed before my eyes, making my hands shake. I hadn’t told anyone that I was leaving, only that I would think about it and then come back to them about it. At the same time, I didn’t see the point in telling them either since if they knew, they might have tried to stop me from leaving.

I nodded to the soldiers on deck, getting to the edge of the boat, looking at Prythian as I remembered about the events the night before; the smile on Azriel’s face as I kept flying away from him. And the understanding in his eyes as we had said out goodbyes for the night, even if it had been our last.

“My lady, we are ready to depart.”

This was it; I was really leaving Prythian behind to go back to where I had found happiness. But even then, I felt like something was missing, like there was something out there that I was forgetting. I turned my back against the land as the boat started moving. If I changed my mind, it would be now, or I’d forget everything that had happened the past few days.

But there was nothing, not at all when I glanced over my shoulder and watched Prythian grow smaller yet putting more distance between us. And just as I was about to turn back around, I noticed it, the figure standing on the shore line, the seven blue gems in his armour glittering in the sun. He was looking straight at me, and I could already feel the tears cloud my sight as I fully turned around to watch him. More and more people came onto the shore to say their goodbyes, but I was staring at _him._ I only broke eye contact when I fell to my knees, feeling my feet giving up on me, making me unable to stand.

“Aaliz!”

His voice, it tugged at my heart, but I also noticed the slight change as he came to the end of my name. In a quick reflex, I grabbed my blade and twirled around, holding it over my head to stop the coming sword.

“You got quick reflexes, princess.”

Keir chuckled softly as he drew the sword away from my blade and simply picked me up, setting me on my feet. I frowned and tilted my head slightly, confused as to what was going on. “And I’m sorry about this.”

It took me a second to even register the redhead at the back of the boat, taking off the hood on her cloak. I shook my head as I backed until my back hit the edge of the boat, the blade in my hands hitting the wood in a matter of seconds before my hands went to cover my mouth.

“Even if they might not see the real you, I can. And what will you do once ”

But I couldn’t look at him, not when she was staring at me with such hate in her eyes, she remembered. She was supposed to be dead, Tamlin had killed her months ago, so how was it that she was standing just a few feet away from me? I looked over my shoulder to look at the other boats, but there wasn’t much to even see, not even the boar where Miryam and Drakon was supposed to be. Then I looked at the group of people that was barely visible on the shore line.

This was it; this boat would never reach Catrea, never reach my home for the people waiting for our return. It was that thought, the thought of not all the sad faces that made me pick up the blade again and turned back to the people in front of me. But if what I was thinking really true, I’ll at least go down fighting.

“Try your best, Keir. And that goes to you too, Amarantha. I have no idea how or why you’re back by the way, but shocker, you got no power left, I can feel it.”

My words seemed to get on her nerves as she started walking towards me, while I prepared myself for the words, for the hatred that was going to shine in her eye when she came close enough. But it seemed like Keir had other plans, I could see it as I kept my eyes on Amarantha.

“I got power, when I take yours.”

She didn’t make sense, I didn’t have any power, not like any high fae or being cursed. Amarantha seemed to read my face as shock before she left out a laugh, dripping with venom, and something else I couldn’t quite explain.

“Let me explain. Your parents aren’t the same as the generals, not quite. His parents found you when you still were an infant, drifting down a lake many years ago…” she started, putting a hand on my face with a gentle movement, like she was comforting me before she continued; “but they died, your father because he crossed the king’s line, and your mother, how beautiful as she was, she died because of the power harbouring inside of your soul. Aaliz, you killed your own mother, and you look exactly like her, the wings and all, you’re no better than me, or anyone that was under the mountain. No better than Feyre that sacrificed two faes for the sake of everyone, you’re no better than the king himself. But he never knew about you, for he never wanted to learn about his brother’s family.”

I didn’t stop her as she forced my face into the side of the boat, I couldn’t do anything. Even Keir looked shocked by the discovery about a past I didn’t know about, a past I never thought about, a past hidden away in the depths of history. But as Amarantha grabbed the blade I had dropped and hovered over me, raising the blade, I didn’t look at her, but the shadow growing and growing until he became visible. The spymaster of the night was covering me, no, Azriel was shielding me from the impact. He was quick as he tied a piece of cloth over my eyes, making me unable to see anything.

“I don’t want you to see this. And let the shadows sing you to sleep.”

No, he couldn’t be serious. But it was too late, it had only been a few seconds before I heard the deep groan from him and his breath on my face, while a warm liquid soaked through my clothes. At that moment, laughter rung through my ears, they were enjoying this, they were enjoying _hurting_ him.

I knew this boat, even when I was blindfolded, and my other senses just heightened as my sight had disappeared. My hands went up as he let out another groan, bracing himself for another impact. They would never see it, they wouldn’t touch another hand on him, I wouldn’t let them. I found his hands and pushed him off me, gently lay him down next to me. After that, I got up from the boat, listening. There, I could hear them quietly coming closer.

“Don’t underestimate an opponent, but I won’t fight you, not today. And by the way, Amarantha. You suck in plans, like seriously, picking a riddle with love as the answer? That’s so dull,” I said, grabbing Azriel’s hand and helped him up.

Of course, if I tried to fly with him, he would only push himself any further. And I knew that I could take off the blindfold at any time, but knowing that he was hurt, from _my_ blade made it impossible for me to leave, impossible for me to pull down the piece of cloth. Knowing that my blade was covered in his blood, I didn’t want to see that, to have it burned in my memory. And for a slight moment, I wondered if he had known, if he had known that seeing him hurt was my worst nightmare.

“I, uhm-“

She didn’t get any further as the boat got slightly heavier, and by the sound of it, they were on my side. A pair from some feet away got closer, but who it was, I couldn’t tell. Despite the dizziness showering over me, I held around Azriel like my life depended on it.

“Stay back.”

“Aaliz, it’s just me.”

Drakon, he was alive. If he was alive, so was Miryam. They hadn’t gone down with their ship, they had escaped, and I could feel the energy getting drained from me as I fell to my knees, still holding on to Azriel. I could feel his shaky breath as he seemed to get out something. And I knew exactly why, why he couldn’t speak, why they seemed so desperate to take him from me. Poison, and it had been my fault, he was dying because of me, because of what I thought was best. If I had never left, this wouldn’t have happened, he wouldn’t have shielded me from the blade and gotten himself hurt.

_If it’s for you, I can take it._

Eight words, eight words with a meaning behind them. But I hadn’t heard his voice, not really, I had felt it, felt it deep in my bones. Like he had crawled into the back of my mind and handing me the words.

“Keir and Amarantha is gone. Just vanished in thin air, we can’t find them anywhere.”

It had been Cassian that had spoken, behind where I was Drakon was standing, but if he was this close, so must Rhysand be. His family, they had followed him when he most likely did something foolish as to rush over the sea by the skyline.

There was a slight pull on Azriel, but I didn’t know who pulled him. My hands tightened around him before the wind seemed to catch up, and the rain pour down from the sky. I could feel it right under my skin, like it was trying to crawl through it and get out into the world.

“Stay back from him!”

As the words left me, the pressure under my skin disappeared, leaving me to the dizziness. The blindfold slid off my eyes as the rain got heavier and heavier as I held onto Azriel. But what met my eyes wasn’t what I had hoped; Cassian, Drakon and Rhysand stood there, staring at me.

“Your eyes…”

_They’re beautiful, like the sun. Golden and yellow, yet red by the middle like a fire._

It didn’t frighten me, the voice talking in the back of my mind. And it took several moments before Rhysand took a gentle step towards me.

“Aaliz, do you want to come along to Velaris? We got a healer that can help him there.”

It had been Cassian speaking from behind Rhysand. If they could help Azriel, I should let them, right? Azriel moved around in my arms before pushing away from me slightly, enough for him to cup my face in his hands and forcing me to look at him. His touch was gentle as he ran a hand through my hair, the smile on his face soft.

“I want to show you the stars, even though you burn brighter than them. Aaliz, I thought you would never come back, I thought they would finish you off before we could get here.”

But had he heard about what Amarantha had exposed to her? Had he heard about the truth that had been hidden from me all of these years? What would he think if he found out that I was related to the one person they killed in the war? It was almost too much to even think about, I could already feel the hatred burn in the back of my neck.

“Yeah, show me everything, the stars at Velaris, everything. As long as you’re safe.”


	7. a glance of the past

Even before we arrived in Velaris, I had fainted due to the injuries I had gotten that I hadn’t paid any attention to. By the time I woke up, I was already tucked in something really soft, most likely covers. I rolled around, felt myself hit something before I opened my eyes. Azriel was sleeping there, and I had literally hit him in the face with my hand.

“Are you awake?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

He opened his eyes slowly as he looked at me, but I didn’t get to answer before I let out the highest scream I’ve ever let out and stumbled backwards, and out of the bed. The door opened as I hit the wall and pointed at him, and Cassian and Rhysand stood in the doorway, taking a moment to even register what must have been going on. Or maybe Rhysand had popped in my mind as he frowned as he looked at me. Cassian on the other hand, burst out laughing while looking at Azriel.

“What is going on here?” Nesta asked as she walked into the room, glaring at Cassian.

I just sat there, looking at all of them on turn like I was some horse on auction, not even knowing who the buyer would be. Nesta seemed to spot the expressions in my face as she pushed all three males out of the room and just said something about privacy before shutting the door.

“Boys will always be boys, no matter how old they are,” she grumbled, helping me up from the floor and setting me on the bed. “Especially when you’ve been out for three whole days.”

Three days? I had been out for three days? It had just felt like one day, but then again, I didn’t know how time worked when you were asleep. So, I just sat there and nodded as she walked to my closet, or whoever owned the room’s closet. Nesta didn’t say much as she got a simple dress out, it was white with a black skirt, even fluffy. I just followed her instructions, and soon enough, I was standing in front of the mirror, looking at myself.

“Feyre has invited all of the girls to the mountain, to play in the snow or something, even though I prefer the heat, I don’t see why not just go to get it over it.”

As she spoke, she took out the braid my hair had been in and let it run down to the middle of my back, and I could already feel how much I despised having my hair loose.

“What about the boys? What will they do?” I managed to ask as I turned around to look at the girl.

She just shrugged before walking out of the bedroom door, not even bothered to answer my question. I didn’t find it weird; she was just like how her father had said she was, and just that made me smile as I turned to myself in the mirror. A day in the mountains, just enjoying the peace and quiet, that was unusual, but after everything they’ve been through, I guess it was a way to get some time to themselves. But why was I supposed to come along? It wasn’t like I was close to any of them.

_If only I knew where I belonged._

My thoughts just wandered freely as I glanced over at the window, watching the blue sky outside. Had I really been out for three days? It seemed unreal, all of this seemed unreal when I thought about it.

_You belong to me, Aaliz._

Hearing the voice again was rather shocking, making me frown. But as I heard my name being called from downstairs, it vanished. I walked through the bedroom door and went down the stairs, even though I had slight troubles finding them at first. And when I reached the end of the stairs, the girls were already waiting. Even Elain, which I hadn’t spoken to much was ready to leave and smiled softly as she took me in.

The boys sat in the chairs, seeming to be in a mood, most likely because they weren’t allowed to join us by Nesta and Feyre. Of that, I had to chuckle slightly, finding it funny that all of them could be in a mood at the same time, and the same mood.

“Come on, we want to enjoy most of the sunlight and then we can watch the stars during the night before coming back here, it’s all planned.”

It was Elain that had spoken as she clapped her hands together, two gloved hands. During the first days after the battle, I had heard about how she was acting and what she was from other soldiers. But now, around a week later, she seemed to glow the high far glow, even her eyes glowed like she was truly happy.

**†**

The trip must have been prepared for a long time, with the food and just everything to judge. Feyre had winnowed us there and told us that she would be going around with Amren and Mor to check out the surrounding, making sure that there was no danger lurking around the area. So, only Nesta, Elain and I was behind in the snow, just looking at each other.

“Are they usually doing this?” I asked, confused, trying to motion to where the three girls had taken off.

“Well, yeah. It’s usually what happens every time we go somewhere. If Azriel had been here, he could have used his shadows to search the area,” Elain answered.

She must be close to Azriel to know this, and it made me smile, at least he was capable of making friends that wasn’t complete idiots.

“Yeah, that would be so much easier than run around and try to sense any dangers lurking.”

Nesta spoke just what was on my mind, making me laugh. I nodded to each of them before grabbing the bags and going to the closest tree, tying them up so they at least didn’t get soaked because of the snow. The sisters chatted lowly as I finished tying the straps of the bag to the lowest branch on the tree. Out of the three sisters, they had to get along the most, and by the way Nesta acted towards Feyre whenever she was around, it gave it kind of away that she wasn’t fully comfortable with being by her youngest sister.

“Everything looks good. Now, shall we prepare for the boys to arrive. For let’s be real, they’re going to come one way or another.”

We all looked at each other with a small smile, I liked what we were currently planning. And at this very moment, I felt more like myself than when I was at dawn court or at spring court, for like a moment. Right here, surrounded by snow and preparing for the boys to arrive. Feyre made it a lot easier when building the ice fortress, our secret hideout. And it wasn’t just this tiny one children just to build, no, it was as tall as a house, maybe even taller. While she did so, we who didn’t have that power made snowballs to throw at the boys.

“Tell me, Aaliz. How come you know Azriel?” Elain asked when it was only her and I close to the forest line.

I glanced over and chuckled softly shaking my head, still remembering the day Azriel had caught me in the forest in the night court.

“You see, Elain. We’ve known each other for a very long time. I was very young at that time and was learning how to fly properly, but I wasn’t patient enough, so I got caught in a storm and ended up in the night court. He found me in the woods, crying. Not because I was hurting, oh no, I was more stubborn than that, but more because of the fact that I had gotten lost and didn’t know where I was. Azriel is years older than me, but he still acted foolishly to make me stop crying. He then took me along to the lake and started training me himself since the storm was still raging on and it is dangerous to even fly during that time. When the nights would come, he would bring me to Rhysand’s sister while he went out on patrols during the night, and she took care of me. That’s also how I got to know Rhysand. But when the storm passed the next day, he sent me flying back to dawn court where I belonged at that time. Even after that, I would often sneak out when my brother wasn’t there to go and meet Azriel at night court.

“Before Amarantha came and ruined everything, tricking everyone. I ran away with Drakon and Miryam at that time, having grown into a lady as people seemed to like calling me. And the rest you know.”

Elain just stared at me with a small smile on her mouth as she nodded slowly. Maybe it was just me but there seemed to be something in her eyes that showed me that she was in fact understanding and had caught on something. But before I got to ask, Mor came down to us and patted us both on the head.

“And I still remember you screaming and kicking everything when you wanted to go after Azriel during his patrols,” she said, laughing softly.

I rolled my eyes and got up to carry the snowballs from the treeline to the fortress. Mor just laughed behind me as she whispered something to Elain, that made her laugh as well, leaving me to my heated cheeks as I walked away from them.

“We’re ready for their attack, no matter where they come from,” Nesta said, seeming confident in our small plan.

Amren was just sitting by the wall and looking at everyone, her silver eyes seeming to wander elsewhere though. I shook my head as I went down back to the treeline to grab more snowballs. Elain and Mor wasn’t there and there weren’t any traces of them anywhere, but I figured they were close, so I went further into the woods to get to the lake close by to get some water. By the time I got there, all five boys sat on rocks, chatting about some battleplan or something.

Azriel was the first one to look up and notice me between the trees. Then the four others seemed to follow his gaze and kept their mouth shut as they watched me closely, like I would run right back to spill every word they’ve said. But even I did hear something I wasn’t supposed to, I didn’t turn back.

“Just getting some water,” I said as I walked to the lake, eyeing them carefully.

“Didn’t you pack any water?” Cassian asked, seeming more focused on our wellbeing than the plan, especially with how I looked at him. “Did Nesta even eat anything yet?”

“Careful there, horsie. We’ve been here for a short amount of time, we haven’t gotten the time to even eat anything while preparing ourselves for your attack, which we knew was coming by the way.”

At my words, all of them turned to Rhysand, and the look on his face was priceless. He looked at me then at the boys, throwing his hands up in the air in defeat. So, he had spilled everything to Feyre through their mating bond. I still didn’t know how that even worked, but I haven’t asked anyone about that yet either, since it was still so many other things that I needed to figure out first.

It was Azriel that grabbed my hand and dragged me away from them before they could even try and ask me about our battleplans. He stopped out of their reach and out of their hearing, before he looked down at me with a small chuckle, the shadows on his shoulders purring.

“That’s one way to get the high lord in a difficult position with the boys,” he said, brushing some hair away from my face. “You should let down your hair more often, it’s beautiful. Even when you were younger and cried because you got lost.”

How had he known that I had told Elain about that? He couldn’t possibly be within hearing reach when I had told her. It was only when one of the shadows on his shoulder jumped onto mine and snuggles the side of my neck that I remembered. Azriel used shadows to get the information he needed and all of them listened to him. But if he had heard that, he must have heard our battle plan, but the others didn’t seem to know, or they didn’t say anything to give away that they knew.

“You’re rude, bringing up something that happened centuries ago,” I grumbled.

The laugh that escaped him made my knees almost give up under me and the sparkles in his eyes as he looked at me made me lose all of the words I was supposed to say to him, both good and not so good.

But seeing him this happy just reminded me of the fact that I wasn’t from Prythian, but Hybern, and that my father had been related to the king that was killed. It was at that moment that I was grateful that Azriel had brought me this far out. My smile faltered and I stepped away from him, walking around him. He was possibly the only one who would confess to me about what had happened at the boat and why they had seemed so shocked when the blindfold slipped down.

“What happened three days ago, why did they stare at me like I was something they’d never seen before?” My words were shaky as I had pressed out the question, before turning to him.

He stood by the wall, looking at the blue stone in his glove as he seemed to be in deep thought, maybe contemplating if he was going to answer me or not. But I needed to know, I needed to know what happened, what the crawling sensation beneath my skin was, why I was so afraid of my past. And by the time what he answered, I had fallen to my knees and the tears stream down my face.

“Aaliz, you controlled lightning and they were inches away from being fried on the spot.”


	8. truth

This time I hadn’t accepted the comfort of Azriel’s arms, he couldn’t stop the panic running through my veins as I imagined how it must have been like for them. Maybe that is why I was asked to join the girls, to keep my mind off what had happened.

“Aaliz, it’s not that bad, can’t you just-“

“Stay awake from me, don’t even try to make excuses up for me. I almost hurt them, I almost hurt _your_ family. Keir and Amarantha must have said some truth.”

The way he looked at me was full of hatred, not necessary towards me, but it still frightened me that he was able to look like that, like someone ready to kill.

“We are having a plan to deal with them, so, don’t bring them up any further.”

**†**

Azriel had left me to my own thoughts, but the shadow that had jumped over to my shoulder still lingered there, just staying there. Maybe it was a way for him to keep an eye on me, but as long as it didn’t start asking questions, I was okay with it.

But when I returned to the ice fortress, the boys were nowhere to be seen, and I hadn’t seen them when I had walked past the lake either. Elain and Mor was the first ones to notice me and smiled softly as they sat on ice chairs.

“They should be here any time now. Did you see them in the forest, Aaliz?” Feyre asked as she came into the room.

I shook my head, not wanting to ruin their day by saying that I had met them and told them that we’d known that they were in fact coming. They seemed slightly relieved, but Mor rose an eyebrow at me, looking to the side to signal that she did in fact want to talk to me. It couldn’t be that bad, so I walked out where I came in and stood by a tree, picking on my nails as I waited for Mor to come. And she did come out, leaning against the tree next to me, not even looking over.

“The shadow on your shoulder gives you away, Aaliz. Azriel was here, and he keeps an eye and ear on you through that thing. I don’t know what happened but let me tell you one thing; if you don’t tell him, he won’t understand what you’re feeling. And don’t even try to deny it, I can see the way you look at him, for he looked at me the same way before you came back.”

Hadn’t anyone told them about what had happened on the ship? I found that confusing, especially since Feyre and Rhysand seemed to talk about everything through their bond or something. Maybe he hadn’t told the girls to make sure they didn’t look at me any other way than they were doing now. But it was a game with fire, they would learn about my ability sooner or later.

Elain’s squeal brought me out from my thoughts as Mor and I looked at each other, before we both smirked slightly and went to join the battle.

**†**

For a long time, the boys were in the lead and almost took over the fortress, but Feyre and I had gotten a brilliant plan and without the boys knowing. We had taken one of the ropes that laid around and tied their feet together, she uses the winnowing to tie them while I held onto one of the edges. The moment she nodded to me, we both flew into the air and the laughter of Mor, Elain, Amren and Nesta was louder than the surprised screams from the boys.

“That’s not fair!”

Rhysand was the first one to winnow out of the rope and Azriel followed closely after. Lucien, Cassian and Varian just hang upside down and looked at us with death glares. Feyre and I just looked at each other and burst out laughing, finding this incredible funny to have caught the boys in a trap, despite them knowing we expected them.

“Surrender now and we might make the punishment lighter for trying to infiltrate our kingdom,” Nesta called out, and I knew she was actually just looking at Cassian at this point.

But it made me think, where did Azriel and Rhys go to? They weren’t around here, so where were they lurking? I got the answer to my question as darkness swallowed me whole before I could see over the trees and everything was almost magical.

“I’m sorry for what I said, Aaliz. I should have thought about your feelings.”

I looked up at Azriel, he seemed very sorry and the sparkles in his eyes that had been there the last time we had spoken moments before – it was gone. He didn’t even look at me as he focused on flying, despite he knew that I could fly myself.

“Azriel-“

His eyes went over to look at me there I was in his arms, and it just made me stop. It tore apart my heart to see him with the tears in the corner of his eyes and the glow vanishing from his skin. Mor’s words rang through my head, the words about having to tell Azriel about what I was feeling. But there was still so much to dig up, to get through before I was even close to tell him even one bit of my feelings. Then again, seeing him like this wanted her to just tell him everything, everything that she had been told, everything that she had kept a secret from him, and especially the fact that she was head over heels for him.

“From the day I met you, I’ve loved you. I always came back to the night court forest, not because I found you easier to train with, but because I felt something. Even when I left, god, I almost came back right away, but it would only make everything worse than it already was,” I said, looking away from him.

But soon enough, I felt my feet on solid ground and his hands moving away from my back. Even though I didn’t recognize where we were, I wasn’t afraid, not when he was there with me and his shadows lurking around, being on watch.

“I know, and yet I fell in love with another…” he started, his hands still on my waist as he looked down at me. Even the snow started falling as we looked at each other. “And I was in love with her for a very long time, especially after you left for Cetrea. Watching over everyone and everything became a distraction from the pain that you left me, Aaliz. I watched you grow up and I knew the moment I saw you that you would become someone very dear to me.”

Hearing him say all of this was not something I was used to, so I stood there and looked at him then at the falling snow, a smile creeping onto my lips. If the world would truly end right now, I wouldn’t blame anything or anyone.

“Aaliz, I love you and always have. When you came back during the war, I was scared as hell that I would get hurt. And when that Attor came, I-“

I didn’t let him finish, I didn’t want to even remember the pain I had from getting my feathers ripped out of my wings, I didn’t need to remember anything from the day of the war, not when it was such a long time ago and I was here with Azriel. His hands tightened on my waist as I lowered my hand from his mouth slowly, never breaking eye contact.

“I’m fine with not knowing what you felt, for I already know you felt worse than I did that day.”

Azriel looked at me with something I didn’t quite understand, or maybe I didn’t want to understand what was going through his head at this very moment. His hands went from my waist and up to hold my face gently, his eyes scanning my face and movements, but I stayed still. Even the snow seemed to stop the moment his lips was on mine, it felt like it was only us two here. I put my hands around his neck as his hands went back to wrap around my waist.

It didn’t last long, but I hadn’t expected it to last any longer than this. Azriel smiled softly as our foreheads were against each other. What had happened with the snowball fight, I didn’t know, nor did I care right now.

“We should probably head back before they search for us and go over the top.”

So, that was what we did. Azriel winnowed us to the hut we had borrowed from someone and by the time we walked in, everyone beside me and Azriel was sitting by the fire chatting. Rhysand and Feyre was sitting in the huge pile of pillows, Amren and Varian just sat by the fire, warming themselves, Elain and Lucien was in the kitchen it seemed, Nesta and Cassian was competing in something and Mor was drinking from a cup of wine. But neither of them decided to ask as Azriel and I entered and took a spot by the window, watching over them.

I still felt bad about keeping everything to myself, for none of them knew what Amarantha had told me, and only the boys knew what had happened on the boat. Rhysand might know if he had gone through my mind, but I doubted it with how he still hasn’t bombed me with questions about everything and nothing. Everyone knew what had happened Under the Mountain, it was just something everyone grew to know as time went on and wounds got healed.

“Who’s hungry?” Elain called out from the kitchen, coming out to the room we were in with trays of food.

That was how it went, we ate food, competed against each other and when the night came crawling on, we cleaned up the place and went back to Velaris.

Everyone went to theirs, but I walked down the street, looking up at the stars as I walked down the street. Azriel had gone to patrol the borders and look for the creature on the loose. I used this time to try and collect my thoughts, from the recent events to the incident on the boat. Nothing made sense anymore and it was frustrating to not know what was right and what was wrong, what was the truth and what was the lies. People were outside and enjoying their night, and by the rumours I’ve heard, it is more active during the night when the stars was out from the long slumber.

“Going somewhere, princess?”

The nickname caught me off guard and I spun around faster than any other time, her eyes wide. Her eyes went to Cassian, and she breathed out in relief. At least he was the dumbest of the bunch and didn’t get a hint when he got one, especially when it came to Nesta.

“Just strolling around, checking out the town. What about you? Aren’t you supposed to be with Nesta?” I asked, my hands finding their way to my hips.

“She is with Elain and forced me out of there basically.”

“Most probably because you’re annoying.”

“Hey-“

“In the good way, Cassian.”

He shook his head as his deep laughter filled the air around us, throwing a hand around my shoulder before continuing the stroll.

“Let me tell you, dear Aaliz. No matter what, you’re not going to win over me in drinking this time.”

Of course, I knew he would lose, he always did, no matter how much he practiced. I had to confess I had been near to losing several times, but the bets we always made was the reason I am avoiding getting completely drunk. And I would never admit where about half of the liquid went.

“Want to have a rematch after so many years?” I asked, raising my eyebrow at the huge bundle of muscles next to me.

“Only if your lovely bat boy doesn’t mind it.”

It took me several moment to even know who he was talking about, but I just shook my head, laughing. Azriel knew that Cassian would be as stupid as to try to get to me when he had Nesta, everyone knew that. He laughed along as we walked into Rita’s. The fact that is was over-crowded didn’t surprise me at all as we sat down by a table, and so it began.


	9. soulmates

A lot of drinks later and Cassian was sitting by the table with his head in his hands. He had gone too fast, so I still had quite a few drinks left in front of me.

“You know, the fact that you came back seemed to brighten Azriel’s mood quite a bit.”

It just fell out of him like rain falling from the sky. He didn’t show any signs of moving any time soon, nor stopping.

“Oh really? How so?”

“A lot of ways, he seems more collected and isn’t as close to snap people’s neck if they say something wrong like he was before you came back. He isn’t having as many shadows around him as before, so he sends more to make sure the safety is tight. What other things? Well, he smiles more.”

I put my head in the palm of my hand as I watched Cassian starting to slur with his words, most likely falling asleep. But seeing the general so relaxed and it almost made me jealous of how he didn’t seem to worry about anything – not visible to the keen eye. Slowly, I got up as I saw Amren in the doorway, one of her eyebrows raised to ask about what was going on, but I just shook my head. She nodded that she understood and went over to where we were.

“He’s waiting for you outside.”

Hearing that, it set fire on a lot of emotions, but I collected myself and walked out of Rita’s and looked up and down the street. I didn’t see him at first, how could I when he stood so still by the railing by the lake, seeming to relax. And when he looked up, the way the moonlight reflected in his face was almost unbelievable. The way the corners of his lips turned up when he spotted me, the sparkles in his eyes being more visible than ever, it was too out of this world. It was like he wasn’t from this world, and I was so drawn in that I had to force myself to breathe. As he walked over, he carried himself with such grace and anyone could know by one glance that this boy, no, not a _boy, a man._ One glance on this man and anyone could know that he wasn’t someone they wanted to mess with when it came to battles.

“You’ve been drinking with Cassian.”

I opened my mouth to answer, but nothing but a small noise came out as I watched how his wings were raised high and how the blue stones in his leather armour reflected the moonlight, making them stand out even more.

“Well, I do hope he didn’t bother you too much,” Azriel said, putting a gentle hand under my chin to make me feet his endless eyes.

He ran a hand through my hair, his eyes following his eyes as he nodded to himself. So, he had noticed that I had let down my hair more often after he had said it looked nice. I started laughing as I shook my head, making my slight curls moved around my shoulders.

“You promised to show me the stars, right?”

The moment the words left my mouth, he put his arms around me, and I didn’t even blink as he winnowed us to somewhere else. From there, I could see the whole city beneath and the stars so clearly above. He didn’t stop me from walked out from his hands and to the railing, my wings coming out in excitement.

“Do you like it?”

“If I like it? No, I absolutely love it.”

“At least I’ve kept my promise to you about showing you the stars,” he said and came up next to me, careful of my wings as he leaned against the railing as well.

I smiled and climbed onto the railing, holding my hand out to him just as a reassurance, and he just took it and followed along as I balanced on top of it, looking up at the stars. His hand in mine was surprisingly warm, unlike other people, and his grip on my hand was tight, but not as in the way that he was hurting me, no, it was rather protective.

“Miryam and Drakon is going to leave in the next couple of days, are you going to join them?” he asked, his voice low as he didn’t seem confident in my answer.

Just to see how he would react; I didn’t answer as I took my time to turn around and look at him. He wasn’t even glancing at me as he awaited my answer. It must have bugged him to not know if I were to leave or not, if I would just disappear the next morning or not. But I didn’t blame him, it was a big choice I had to take yet again, even though I already knew that I in fact wasn’t going to leave, not again.

“No, I’m staying, and they know.”

**†**

The next morning, I didn’t really want to get out of bed, it was so comfortable. Azriel had left me yet again to patrol the grounds before he would go to bed himself. I didn’t mind, I never did, he had his duties and I had mine, even though I still hadn’t told anyone about what Amarantha had said to me.

“You should get out of bed,” a voice said, almost scaring the shit out of me.

I opened my eyes and looked over at Feyre which was already picking out my outfit for today. When she looked back at me through the mirror, she smiled softly.

“Rhys wants to talk to you about several things, and we got some other things to do in the evening, so he wanted to be early for once,” she explained, laying a dress onto the bed.

For a moment, I had forgotten that I was in the night court and that I was just a visitor here and not actually living here. But I didn’t ask further questions as I got up from the bed and slowly got dressed as she got some of the jewelleries she had brought along. Seeing them confused me, why would I need jewelleries when it was just a simple meeting? But I looked at the mirror and at myself, where a mind coloured dress with straps sat and showed every curve of my body, the back was a simple ribbon with the back bare, so I could have my wings out if I so wished. The sleeves were loose and just was to decoration, so I didn’t think so much about them.

After getting dressed and winnowed to the house of wind, making me even more confused. But all of my questions got their answers as I walked into the meeting room, their eyes finding me as the doors closed behind me with a soft thud. Rhysand stayed seated as Eris stood up from the chair he had been sitting on. I rose an eyebrow as I gracefully walked to sit down on a chair between them, positioning my thigh over my other to reveal the slit in the dress, and I crossed my arms over my chest. Not once did I look in Eris’ direction as Rhysand began speaking.

“The reason I wanted to meet you here today, Aaliz, it’s simple. I know about your meeting with Amarantha and believe me when I say that looking into your mind that morning was accidental.”

I didn’t move, I couldn’t. My body froze as the words sunk in and I realized that he had known all this time, and still treated me like he had. He had let Azriel be around me and the others as well when he knew that I could become a threat to their safety at any given time.

“But we still haven’t caught the Bryaxis, and it’s still dangerous around here for people with their minds easily accessed, just as yourself. Eris here will bring you to the spring court where Tamlin will be welcoming you for a while, with the easiest way to escape if something goes wrong and-“

Eris just sat there as he glanced between us, just in time for me to stand up in a quick movement, the chair behind me falling over as I slammed my hands onto the table. He wanted me to leave just because I hadn’t worked on my shield like everyone else. And the place he sent me was to the spring court where everything had begun to start out wrong, where the Hybern king had gone onto land.

“You’re not my high lord, so stay out from my mind. What Amarantha told me is not your goddamn business. You act like you know what I am, no, wait, _who_ I am. Sending me away will just shield Velaris and I know that you would do anything to protect it. But if you did look into my mind, you would also know that Keir was there as well. Stop treating me like a child when I just don’t belong anywhere, so choose your next words wisely, Rhysand. For I can be the villain of the story you’re currently writing.”

He seemed to be taken aback by my snapping, by the words I spoke, but I didn’t care at all. If he was going to just send me away, I could at least make sure it came with a cost. Rhys leaned back in his seat and looked over at Eris, ignoring my deathly stare.

“What do you think, Eris?”

How did he dare to ask for his thoughts? I couldn’t believe him; it was my life that was being treated like a ball being thrown between children. Had Feyre known about this and made sure that I had looked my best when he came with the offer? Did Azriel even hear about this? Yes, he would have already by now, the shadows here spoke to him, they respected him, they served him first, then Rhysand.

“Find, you’re dismissed until further discussion. You are not to leave the night court.” Rhys said, impatient.

With that, I straightened up and walked out of the door to the meeting room, just to meet Cassian and Azriel both outside the doors. Neither of them talked as I walked past them, maybe because they knew that Rhys was listening, that he was meaning every word he had said. My hands stayed clenched together as I walked to the balcony to get away, to go anywhere. If Rhys wanted me to become the villain, then I shall at least show him that I was being serious, and that I wasn’t someone he could control when he liked so. I didn’t belong to his court; I didn’t belong in any court.

_We will find a way to make him change his mind._

The words hit somewhere I didn’t want to feel, I didn’t even turn to glance at the two soldiers as I stopped by the edge, looking down at the mountain and city beneath. And without a second thought, I let myself fall, keeping the wings to my back as I closed my eyes, feeling the wind trying to push me upwards, to prevent me from falling. Had I been in the wrong when it came to this? Rhys seemed to want to protect me from the dangers, shield me from the pain that would occur one way or another. Maybe Azriel had known about it and proposed a way to keep me out of the way.

And for the first time in a very long time, I screamed. I screamed at the top of my lungs as I put my hands against my face, trying to stop the tears from falling. But it was too much, everything was too much. Darkness was everywhere as I opened my eyes again, but I could still feel the air, the wind trying to push me upwards. The scent of night-chilled mist and cedar was so familiar that I wanted to melt into it, to be covered in it for all eternity. When the light came back from the darkness, we were already by the lake we always went to all of those years ago.

“No one will hear you out here, and no one knows we are here. Rhysand can say what he wants to, and try to deal like he wants to, but he also needs to talk to others,” he explained as he sat down on a stone.

I went to sit on the stone next to him but stopped as I looked at the water. The sun shone on the water, making it seem like fire was licking the surface of the water. I stepped out of the dress easily and just went into the water in my undergarment, and when I was close to the deep parts, I took in my wings and dived into the water. Even the water was welcoming at this point, hugging me from all of the possible directions. Here, everything seemed to disappear, all of my troubles and all of the thoughts that kept on haunting me. And even when I broke the surface and pushed my hair out of my face, I could still feel the calmness the water brought along. Azriel was sitting on the stone, just watching with a small smile on his lips.

“Why don’t you come in, Azriel?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him, challenging him.

“I’d rather not.”

“Why? If I can drink with Cassian and still be safe, swimming with you is safe as well right? Or have Cassian outcome you in power?”

My words seemed to have some kind of impact on him as he stripped down to his boxers and came into the water. He shuddered at the coldness but didn’t step out of the water before he was closer to me than the edge of the lake. I watched him closely as he wrapped his arms gently around me and it wasn’t a big surprise that he could still stand where I couldn’t.

“You’re safer with me than with that idiot,” he replied to my question.

I chuckled and shook my head but started tracing the marks on his chest with my hand, finding it more calming than when I was surrounded by all of the water. He held me up, his hands under my thighs so I was kind of sitting on them, not even bothered by the weight, not even the fact that I was tracing the marks on his chest.

“Are you really going to find a way to make Rhys change his mind?” I blurted out, not thinking through it.

“Wait, how did you know I thought that?” Azriel looked confused as I looked up at him, and for a slight moment, it seemed like he was going to be in a panic as I had heard his thoughts. “What else have you heard, Aaliz? And how many times have you heard something in the back of your mind?”

I had to think about the answer, about all of the times the voice in the back of my head had answered or said something. How many times had it been now? I had almost lost count.

“About three times.”

“Three times?”

Azriel looked panicked there he was standing in front of me, before it seemed like a calmness washed over him. He then removed one of the hands from beneath my thigh and ran his hands through my damp hair.

“Do you know what that means?” he asked, his voice surprisingly soft.

To answer him, I shook my head and titled it slightly to the side, frowning slightly as I watched him. A moment passed before he laughed, even though it was soft, he was laughing. He seemed surprisingly happy for someone who held information I hadn’t gotten my hands on. I highly debated if I should just ask him straight out about what he knew but seeing him happy was a big reason why I didn’t, I didn’t want his happiness to disappear.

“Here I thought I never would find someone like you,” he said, putting his forehead against mine.

And I remained confused as he continued to run his hand through my hair ever so softly and kept on smiling like a big idiot that had just gotten to know that they got the girl of their dreams. When he realized that I was still confused about everything, he stopped running his hand through my hair and looked at me with raised eyebrows.

“You don’t know what it means?”

“How can I know when you’re smiling like an idiot and doesn’t explain it to me?” I asked, rolling my eyes slightly at his small question.

“Aaliz, you’re my mate and I’m yours.”


	10. questions and enemies

After being told that Azriel was my mate, I had fallen off his arm and nearly swallowed water before he had easily picked me up and thrown me over his shoulder, walking out of the water. He had put me down on the stone and got his sweater, literally forcing it over my head and put my hands through the sleeves, while I just sat there and stared at him.

“Can you stop staring? It’s making me even more embarrassed,” he said, not even glancing at me as he spoke and put on his pants.

I blinked and tore my eyes away and tilted my head slightly. How could this be? How could Azriel be my soulmate? And why hadn’t I noticed anything about it before returning to Prythian? Maybe Rhysand or Feyre knew the answer.

“But how can it be? Why didn’t this happen years ago?” I asked, not knowing what to do or what to say.

“We’ll have to ask Rhysand.”

**†**

But Rhysand hadn’t exactly known, and he was busy with official business that he didn’t have much time to stay and chat with us. And I didn’t even care to ask Eris about it, I had enough of him for an eternity. Feyre had been busy preparing for something and couldn’t answer our question.

By dinner time, we still didn’t have the answer we needed, and it was soon time for Azriel to go and attend the duties he had pushed back when he was with me. We were walking down the street as I ran a hand through my hair. People didn’t seem to look twice as we just walked down the street, both in our own thoughts, just trying to figure out where to go next. There wasn’t a lot of people who knew about the mating bond, at least not with one like this one.

“You should go, and I’ll look further. Might even ask Amren if she knows something about it or got any books about it, if she isn’t at summer court and playing with Varian,” I said with a low chuckle as I looked up at him.

“But I want to stay here with you and help you figure it out. The shadows can-“ I caught him off by stepping up on my toes and giving his kiss a gentle kiss. “No, you’re going, Rhys is depending on you. And I’ll be right here when you get back, okay? I promise.”

It took a moment before he slowly nodded and pulled me into a hug, giving my temple a soft peck before he put his head on top of mine, his arms wrapped gently around my waist. Even though I didn’t know what was going through his head or what they were planning here, for I wasn’t an official member of the night court, I was just a visitor, a stranger in the eyes of the people here.

“Go now, I don’t want Rhys to argue with you on why you were late.”

Another gentle kiss to my temple before he disappeared into the shadows, leaving me to laugh to myself before heading down the streets of Velaris to find out where Amren was staying, and if she really was there. I didn’t get far down the street before a hand grabbed mine and pulled me in a whole different direction.

“What are you-“ I didn’t get further as I looked at Keir that had my hand in a tight grip, but he didn’t look at me, not even a glance as he kept on dragging me.

But people didn’t seem to notice what was happening right in front of their eyes, just like they couldn’t see us. I looked around, searching the area. Trying to see if there was something that was watching, that could help, but there weren’t any.

_Azriel, if you can hear this, I love you and tell Rhys that he was right, that what he saw was right._

I pushed it as hard as I could on the single thread in the back of my mind, hoping to be able to reach Azriel somehow, even though I didn’t know how any of this worked. But it was worth a try, just in case that it would work and that he would hear the words I had longed so to tell him since before I left Prythian the first time.

“Fancy meeting you here,” I snarled at the redhead.

“Don’t look so mad, Aaliz. We’re just here to collect you, the high elves of Hybern will decide whether you’re worthy of your title.”

Keir let go of my hand, but I couldn’t go anywhere, there were someone behind me, and it sent shivers down my spine as I kept my eyes on Amarantha and Keir, just watching them as I waited for them to continue what they were saying.

“That’s it? And what will happen if I fail?” I asked, tilting my head slightly.

“You’ll die on the spot.”

Right after that came out of Keir’s lips, someone grabbed my hands and held them behind my back. But I didn’t show them what was going on inside, how the blood in my veins turned cold and how the hated in my eyes could have burned through their skull if possible.

“Let her go!”

I knew that voice, and it was filled with panic, but it wasn’t Azriel’s. Elain stood a couple of feet away, a basket of flowers in her hands. Keir and Amarantha just looked at each other before they burst out laughing, and I didn’t like the way they laughed.

“Get rid of her and dispose of the body.”

But I kept looking at her, my eyes widening as I tried to wiggle free from the grip, harder and harder for every step Amarantha moved towards Elain. The one holding me tightened their grip, but I didn’t stop struggling. I had to get to her before they did, she was a part of Azriel’s family, and if I just let this go through, I couldn’t live with myself.

“Leave her! I’ll cooperate!”

They stopped, the grip on my hands losing their grip. And that was when I pushed myself backwards, slamming the back of my head into them and grabbed their blade before I ran in front of Elain, putting the knife in the basket. My wings shot out from my back and wrapped around us.

“Aaliz, what’s going on?” Elain asked, her hands gripping my shoulders.

“Get back to the house, stay there until someone is done with their job. Don’t tell Azriel anything, not who you saw or where you saw them. Promise me, Elain. I’ll find a way back, but you have to go.”

I didn’t give her a chance to respond as I made a small opening and pushed her through it. She reached out, but she was too slow. Even I hadn’t felt the sword pierce through my back before the shadows turned welcoming.

**†**

No one had said anything as I was thrown into a room, barely conscious, and the doors got locked after a man in white clothes walked into the room.

“Let’s get that wound treated.”

But I just moved away from him, I didn’t want to be here, I didn’t want to be who they wished I would become. He stopped and took a deep breath, just crouching down where he was positioned before he tilted his head slightly. When we had winnowed here, I had pulled in my wings, so they at least were protected, and they wouldn’t find her weakness.

“If we don’t treat the wound, princess, you’re going to die. And then you won’t have a chance to even get back to where you want to be.”

I knew he was right, but I didn’t know where I was or if I was in Prythian at all. We could have gone to Hybern for all I knew, and it terrified me. Azriel must have gotten the news somehow by now, I knew that Elain was worried sick, especially when the last she saw of me was with a sword pierced through me. And I bet she couldn’t really keep secrets.

“There are more people that could take the throne in your place, but there’s something with the way the redhead is thinking, like a game to entertain herself. And if she even touches one of the others, the whole place is going to give her hell.”

For some reason, it did make sense. After all, she had tortured people and forced people to do things just to entertain herself. Rhysand and Feyre had told Miryam and Drakon what she had done Under the Mountain and I had heard it from some soldiers that had been there.

“So, it’s up to you. Either you fight whatever is going on and return to where you want to be, or you will die in this room, probably never see anyone again.”

As he tried to step closer again, I didn’t move away from him or throw a tantrum, I was too busy not to cry my heart out right there on the floor as he came closer. When he was right next to me, he nodded lowly as he put a hand on top of my forehead.

“And take a deep breath. When you wake up again, you’ll be alright and live.”

**†**

He had spoken the truth, the moment I woke up, I could barely see the scar on my stomach as I ran my hand over my exposed belly. Where my clothes had gone, I didn’t know, but I didn’t really mind since they at least had let me wear the black undergarments. I groaned softly as I got up from the bed and went over to the window, locked. Of course, it would be locked, they knew about my wings.

“Not even wanting to give me the freedom to feel the wind on my face, I already miss it.”

“You shouldn’t speak, the walls and ceiling got ears.”

The moment I heard the other voice, I spun around and held my hands in front of me, but it was only the male from before, a book in his hand as he glanced up at me.

“And you don’t care about being stuck in here with me?”

“Not really, you aren’t _that_ big of a threat. And who would try and kill the person who saved their life?”

He sure had some good arguments for whatever I was going to say or had said. I snorted and grabbed the covers, draping them around my shoulder as I looked up at the sky, at the stars blinking down at me, greeting me and reassuring me. But even then, I didn’t feel very well when it came to not know where I was. Did the guy behind me know?

“Do you know where we are?”

A small laugh escaped his lips as the chair he was sitting on screeched when it was moved and he was soon standing next to me, his hands behind his back as he glanced over to me.

“Welcome to Rask, allies to the Hybern king.”


	11. game of trust

Rask? They had brought me to Rask. It did make slightly sense; it wasn’t too far from the night court and it was filled with enemies of Prythian.

“This is where your parents hid before the Hybern king killed them years ago. Ever since that time, someone else started to rule here, and they allied with the Hybern king, but the lord of night court decided to trick him.”

I looked back up at the sky and shook my head, I couldn’t believe what was going on, what the male was saying. What he was telling me did make sense, but there was something that I didn’t seem to progress.

“And how do you know all of this?”

He turned fully to me and then bowed down on his knees, his head hanging lower than anyone has ever before. I didn’t even do anything as he took my hand in his and gave the back of it a small kiss.

“I’m crown prince of Rask, but I am bowing down to the true queen in her glory, even if it is in her undergarments and covers.” A small laughter got out of him as he shook his head.

“Go to hell.”

“For you, I shall.”

“Get out.”

“As you wish but do heed my warning. The walls and ceiling got ears, so before you say something valuable, slay the demons that resides in here.”

The prince didn’t say anything else as he walked out of the door, and to my surprise, he left it slightly open, barely visible to the prying eyes. You had to look closely if you were to register it. Why he had done it, I didn’t know, but I also didn’t mind the small freedom he was giving me, even though I was a threat to his kingdom. Yet again, he had said that he would be on my side. I shook my head; everything was just so absurd that I didn’t know what I wanted to do with it.

_I miss you_

But there was nothing, only the deafening silence as I tried my hardest to focus on the bond in the back of my mind, trying to pull on it. Nothing was happening as a soft sigh left my lips, only the silence was roaming that space in the back of my mind, and it was killing me.

**†**

The next days was just like the first one, I would sit in front of the window and look at the stars when they came out from hiding, and when the sun was out, I was staring at the garden. The prince of Rask came and went as he wanted, checking up on me and gave me food whenever it was time for that. But he didn’t try to make to talk, only threw some jokes at me now and then, before he was filling me in on what was happening around the castle.

“Amarantha wishes to see you.”

I hadn’t even heard him come into the room just as I was getting out of bed early one morning. He had his back turned to me for privacy as I got dressed in what I wanted, a simple black dress with gold fabric near the end of the skirt and the front of the dress. No words were exchanged as he led me out of the room and down the hall.

“Aren’t you going to speak? She will get mad, you know. As well as the others.”

But I didn’t answer him as he opened the door for me. And just like he had said, Amarantha was waiting in a chair and a woman I didn’t recognize was sitting on a throne hovering over everyone else. Just one glance and I knew that she was the queen, but my focus wasn’t on her, it was on Amarantha. My hands clenched by my side as I shot her glares there she sat and was talking to some man that seemed to have caught her attention for the time being.

“Shall I present, Aaliz, daughter of Khatar.”

Everyone seemed to stop what they were doing and turned to me, and I hated every second of it. Some whispered while some whistled, but I didn’t care, my gaze remained on Amarantha as her head turned to me.

“What are you looking at?”

“You, who else? I’m looking at the disappointment of Hybern, the one without power and still thinks she is something. Feyre didn’t die when you killed her, and Tamlin still hates your gut. I’m looking at the most pitiful creature to exist.”

My words were laced with poison as I watched her raise from her seat and quickly make her way towards me, a hand raised to give me some sort of punishment. But everyone quieted down as she was thrown back, my wings stinging slightly from the pain of the impact.

“And as you know, I’m one heir of many. Don’t you think that I know about the powers within my soul? How pathetic. And still, _you_ think that you can have the audacity to even raise your hand at me?”

_Aaliz, where are you?_

No, I couldn’t let it waver, I couldn’t let my composure that I fought so hard to build crumble at the sound of his voice in the back of my mind. It was like he was yelling, and it was bringing me great pain to not be able to reply without breaking, as eyes were upon me and the redhead.

“Be careful of your words, princess. You don’t know who I have deals with and why.”

Amarantha got up from the ground, wiping her bloodied lip as she sent death glares towards me, but I held my head high. This was what I could do, to ensure my own safety and give me a chance to get back to Velaris, back to Azriel.

“Should I be afraid before you, should a possible future queen be afraid of her subjects? If a queen is afraid and doubting her subject’s trust, are they truly a queen?”

Silence, deafening silence. There was nothing making a sound as I turned my back to Amarantha and turned to the queen instead, raising an eyebrow at her. But she just shook her head, seeming to want to talk to me another time, another place. I took that as my cue to leave, but not before I glanced at the crown prince, which was smirking, his eyes glinting in the candle light.

But I didn’t look too long, too afraid to get lured into them, and I was out of the doors without even saying any other words to the people inside of there. When the doors closed behind me, I let out the breath I had been holding in.

_Azriel, are you there?_

I waited, second after second, hoping for an answer as I walked down the long corridors, remembering my way back. It was no use in trying to escape when every window and every escape route had a guard standing next to it, almost like they dared me to do something. But no answer came to my prayer, not even a single feeling.

**†**

The room was just as empty and cold as I had left it, no change at all, but I didn’t care, it wasn’t like I was going to stay here for very long. I sat down on the bed and put my head in my hands, my wings wrapping around myself in a protective shield as I took a deep breath, calming the thoughts raging in my mind, but every worry, every scenario, and every moment we had spent together played on repeat.

“How are you holding up? Your small performance out there was the most entertainment we have gotten since before the war- hey, what’s wrong?” the crown prince spoke up, revealing his whereabout to the me.

But could I tell him about what was bothering me without him going to the queen about it? Or worse, Amarantha. Yet again, he had told me that no one out there really liked the redhead, especially not as much as the queen did. And maybe that was why they had taken me here, knowing the other high lords would have trouble figuring out where I was.

“You can talk to me, haven’t you figured that out yet?”

I grabbed his hand before he even got the chance to get close to touch my face. He seemed surprised by my sudden move and fell back on his ass, but his eyes locked on me.

“Don’t even try to touch me. I am your captive, and if you are to get soft on me here, what will stop people from taking your power away from you? Touch me and you will wish you didn’t,” I said, my grip tightening around his wrist. It was almost like I could hear the crackling of lightning coming from far away.

He didn’t say anything as he grabbed my hand with his free one and got up slowly from the floor, his eyes never leaving mine as he slowly removed my hand. And I didn’t even have to look at his wrist to know that the crackling sound had come from my hand, and his arms was slightly burned from it. I just let my hand fall back to my side as I withdrew my wings, and walked over to the window, looking at the garden shining in various colours due to the sun shining so bright.

But I didn’t move as a shadow seemed to creep closer and closer the more I watched it. All so that the prince behind me wouldn’t get the idea to check, just in case it was Azriel that had somehow found me, but yet again, I doubted that they had gone through all of Prythian in such a short time.

_It’s called winnowing._

A small laugh escaped me, but I shook it off as I remembered the prince was still here. I glanced over my shoulder and suddenly he was closer than I thought he would be, making me jump back as I spun around, holding a hand to put some distance between us. When did he get that close? I hadn’t even realized.

“What are you looking-“

Nothing more came out from his lips as the shadowsinger appeared behind him and held a small dagger to the prince’s throat. I took a step back, my hand going to cover my mouth in surprise. So, he had found me, one way or another.

_Are you okay?_

I couldn’t do anything beside nod as I watched my mate glance up at me with a small smile, unknown to the prince that had his hands raised up in the air in surrender.

“And who is this?” he asked, his gaze lingering on me.

“My mate, the shadowsinger of the night court, a man worthy of his title and the respect of various high fae lords,” I explained, smiling proudly as I lowered my hand.

Just by hearing that, the prince seemed to know what was going on and looked up at Azriel. He kept his hands up as he glanced between us and then seemed to sense it, the bond lingering in the air.

“Okay, just let me go and I’ll leave, straight to the library. No one is going to know if neither of you are saying anything. Remember Aaliz, I’m not your enemy here.”

_Should I let him go?_

A low chuckle left me as I nodded and in that instant, Azriel let the prince go and went over to my side, standing further back than me as the prince looked at us.

“Just think over my words,” the prince said and took one glance over at Azriel before he left the room.

I turned to the shadowsinger and jumped up, wrapping my arms around his neck as I just let the tears fall down my face. He caught me and his grip around my waist was protective as I could already feel him sending his loyal shadows around the room to look for any dangers. But I couldn’t be happier, he was here, it was just like a dream. Like my mind was playing a trick on me to make my stay more durable.

“Everyone is worried about you,” he mumbled into my hair, taking in my scent. “Elain was crying when she came running and said you had been impaled, and that you were smiling when you disappeared. I thought I had lost you.”

Slowly, I pulled his face away from the nape of my neck as I looked at him and his hazel eyes, smiling softly.

“I’m tougher than that, and I learned from the best.”

My words were soft as I kissed him softly, letting my hands rest on his cheeks as his grip around my waist tightened slightly. The moment my back hit the softness of the bed, a soft groan from my sore muscles escaped through my lips as I looked up at him.

“What stays in this room, stays in this room.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is gonna me a smutty chapter, so read on your own accord.  
> I've given my warning.


	12. physical

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is smutty, so read on your own risk. This is by no mean any important to the plot, so don't worry about missing something important about the story.
> 
> And I'm sorry it's not describes as much as I want and all that, but school has taken its toll and I have been focusing on myself more.

Azriel looked me all over, there I laid on the bed and just watched him. He seemed to be checking out the dress I was wearing and picked up the hem of it, feeling the texture of it.

“Honestly, I like this dress, it looks amazing on you, but it’s too exposing,” he commented, letting go of the fabric.

I laughed at his comment and shook my head, and he just watched me for a moment before he climbed onto the bed until his hands were next to my head and his knees rested by my hips. He slowly entangled our fingers together as he kissed me softly, one of his hands grazing the exposed skin that he had just complained about. I let out a small chuckle as I got one of my hands free from his grasp and entangled it in his soft hair, running my fingers through it gently.

His mouth soon left mine to leave gentle kisses down my jawline, the hand that was tangled in mine tightened slightly as he made his way down my neck but stopped as he came to the edge of the dress.

“Do you need this? I could always ask Feyre to get a new one made,” he said, glancing up at me. “Too late, I’ll do as I said.”

The sound of fabric being ripped apart made a chill go down my spine, but not the bad kind, no. Azriel started again where he left off, leaving kisses all the way to my thigh. Every sense I had was tingling, like they were no longer a part of me. And every kiss he left was warm, the heat of him lingering there, like a guiding line.

I looked at him as I felt the weight of the bed shift and him shielding me from the light as his hazel eyes looked down at me, sparkling gently.

“Are you sure you want this?” he asked, his voice shaking.

It was at this point that I felt bad, that he even had to ask about it, that he had to make sure. But I knew why he was asking, all of the thoughts that must run through his head at this very moment. And despite having the shadows tell you everything you need to know; feelings were the one thing he couldn’t understand.

“Bring me to church and I’ll tell them all my sins,” I replied, smiling softly, bringing a hand to caress his cheek gently.

He seemed confused at my words, but I didn’t blame him, I hadn’t replied as simply as I could. But the reaction I got from him; it was amazing. The sparkles in his eyes seemed to switch and his body knew what I had meant, leaving only his mind to understand that simple phrase.

I took this chance to use my entire body weight to spin us around, catching him off guard. Of course, I was careful of his wings as I had done this. He seemed quite shocked as I looked down on him and let my hair down from the pin I had put it in. Azriel could only watch as his mind hadn’t progressed the entire situation yet, nor had he understood my words yet. But I didn’t blame him as I started to take off one leather piece after the other, using my time, as I let my eyes run over the exposed skin. His hands went to my hips gently, running his thumb in circle motions as he was patiently waiting. Once I was finished to take all of the leather off and push them off the bed, even though I knew he could just have winnowed them off like everything else, I pushed some hair behind my ear and smiled softly.

He took this chance to spin us back around to our previous position, his hands still on my hips as I let out a soft groan when my back hit the mattress once again. But he devoured the groan in a kiss filled with every emotion, every single memory that we had shared in the time we had known each other. I wrapped my hands around his neck, pulling him as close as I could manage, needing his warmth, like I couldn’t live without it any longer. Even the tingling feeling under my skin seemed to want to crawl out and embrace the Illyrian warrior over me. Azriel pulled away from the kiss as he panted slightly, a rare sight indeed, but the sight was short-lived as he attacked my neck with rougher kisses than earlier. My hands went from around his neck and down to his hands, holding around his wrist. The grip on them tightened more than slightly as he continued to leave rougher kisses on every part he could get to, making a soft moan escape my lips.

By hearing the simple sound, he seemed to be more impatient, to want more and more. I closed my eyes as I just let my body do whatever it wanted. The heat spreading through my entire body from my core, my toes curling slightly as I took a deep breath.

“If you hadn’t pulled at the bond, I don’t know when I would have found you,” he whispered lowly into my ear, surprising me. “And then Rhysand surely had to tie to me to a tree so I didn’t-“

I stopped him by laughing, the room filling with the sweet sound as he just rose himself up slightly and stared at me. Beside looking purely shocked that I had just burst out laughing, there was something that softened. And in this moment, there was nothing that could destroy it, no one could take it away with all of their power.

“You’re just making this more nerve-wracking for me, Aaliz. Please,” he pleaded as he lowered himself again, his huge wings covering me completely as his breath hit my shoulder.

He glanced up as my laughter died out before kissing the corner of my lips, not saying another word as he went lower and lower and lower. The shadows around them seeming more than welcoming at this point, like they were shielding them from the prying eyes and the ears listening in on them. And with his wings hovering over her, he felt safer than she’d ever felt. With each gentle bite he left as he went lower, the heat spread from my toes and up my entire body. I hadn’t even noticed as his hand had slightly run down my side, making me inhale sharply in surprise.

“If you want me to stop at any point, please tell me. Hurting you is the last thing I would want.”

But I knew that I wasn’t going to tell him anything, I would enjoy this to the fullest, and he couldn’t stop me, especially since he wouldn’t know. Just before I could even make any signal, I felt his hand rub my clit gently. And since they were in fact alone in the house, I didn't even try to cover up the groans that came from the back of my throat as the sensation just spread through my entire body, all from small gestures. I leaned my head back, biting my bottom lip, the groans just flooding out of me. There was nothing else I could focus on beside the sensation running through my body, one that I’d never felt before. And it was kind of scary to feel something unfamiliar, but at the same time, I couldn’t help but enjoy it.

My breath got caught in my throat as I felt the soft kisses on my inner thigh, just sending small sparks to my core as his hand kept on rubbing gently on my clit, before I felt a moment of nothing, just a gentle breeze. It was before the breeze was replaced with something wet that I assumed by now was his tongue, as the gentle kiss on the insides of my thigh had disappeared. I covered my mouth with one of my hands as I let out a loud moan, I hadn't expected that at all. But then again, he knew exactly what he was doing and just how to catch me off guard. I cursed under my breath as I continued to take _deep_ breaths, biting down on my lip as I tried not to be too loud. Even when he began to massage my thighs, just making my bite down harder. The heat spread through my entire body as my thoughts vanished and he was all that I could think about.

I inhaled sharply, this was becoming more and more dangerous as he gave more and more pleasure to me. And it drove me crazy, and I couldn't do much, just stifle the moan coming as I grabbed a pillow, putting it on my face to prevent the people somewhere to hear the moans and groans of pleasure that left me now and then.

Only when I felt the bed switch did I let go of the pillow, my fingers hurting from clenching them into the soft object. Azriel’s soft chuckle made me frown slightly as I removed the pillow and looked at him, where he leaned on his elbows, watching me.

“You’re just going to harm yourself when you’re doing that,” he pointed out, shifting to grab my hands gently, brushing his lips over my knuckles.

I rolled my eyes at his action but let him do what he did. Once I could no longer feel his lips on my knuckles, I got them to myself and sat up in the bed, shrugging my shoulders. His eyebrows knitted together as he tilted his head slightly, watching my tiniest movement. When I wrapped my arms around his shoulder and put my lips on his, he seemed to relax as his hands wrapped around my waist. The growl that left him made me chuckle softly, as the result of me letting him slide into me, slowly. His wings shuddered slightly, and I could feel his grip tighten slightly around my waist. His hands ran up my back, gentle strokes as he slowly lifted me up, not breaking the kiss. I didn’t fight it; I didn’t have the energy to. That was basically how it went, and we both fell asleep in the others arms after our dirty needs, and a quick bath of course.


	13. choices

By the time I woke up, it had already turned night, I woke up by the light of the mood on my face. But when I opened my eyes, there was no sign of Azriel, not even any signs that he had been there at all. Maybe Rhysand needed him after I had fallen asleep, it wasn’t something that I could even control anyways. He wasn’t chained to me either, so he could go anywhere he’d like.

A small knock on the door interrupted my thoughts, making me sit up slowly. And in came the prince, standing with his back towards me, his hands crossed across his chest.

“They missed you at dinner,” he said, clearing his throat.

“Why should I care about whether they miss me or not? I’m a prisoner here, just awaiting my time to fight. And don’t even try to say something else, you know it better than I do.”

I took a moment to stretch my sore limbs before getting up from the bed and going to grab something to wear, other than a dress, and something that hadn’t been torn. Even though it was no signs of the ruined dress, not that I bothered to look through the entire room.

“The people are waiting for your grand entrance. It’s training time, for every single candidate.”

Ah, that was right, I was here for the people of Rask to decide whether I was to get the throne over Hybern or if I were to be killed as they pleased. But if I knew myself right, which I hopefully did, I wouldn’t go down without a fight, and I surely wouldn’t sit on a throne that I had no desire for.

“I’d rather sit on the next ride back to Prythian, not training with some people that I got no interest in.”

He chuckled, like he was hinting to something, but no words escaped him as I put my hair up in a ponytail, still amused of how it held the whole thing up instead of falling out whenever she ran or did some training. It was then when a thought hit me; he knew about Azriel being here, what if he had told the people that were here. If Azriel were to be captured, I couldn’t let them get anything out from him, not about Prythian or about the night court. I lowly made a promise with myself as I walked over to the prince and placed a dagger to his throat.

“Did you tell anyone?”

“Why would I tell? I’ve been telling you this entire time that I’m not your enemy, so please lower the dagger.”

Could I trust him? He had not given me any reason to doubt him at all, just words filled with promises. But if this was all a trick to win me over, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if anyone were to get captured because of me. I lowered the dagger and walked past him, not even bothered to check if he were following after me. My wings hung low, feeling heavy all of the sudden, without a solid reason. The feathers that the Attor had pulled out had still not grown out completely, signalling for the soft spot.

“By all means, do not use your powers. Then they will know what to do with it.”

Some words of advice? How hilarious this time went by. I shook my head, running a hand down my face as I stopped in front of the doors in the hall, those I’ve walked through earlier the same day, showing off my power over Amarantha. She would most likely use every possible way to crush me as she had wanted to crush Feyre when Tamlin hadn’t gone under her complete control. What she didn’t know was that I was ready for it, I was ready for anything that they were thinking about throwing my way.

The doors opened and the crowd quieted down, the other candidates for the throne turning to watch me, some simply rose an eyebrow, and some snorted before turning back towards their previous focus. I paid them no mind as I walked through the doors and stretched my hands in the air, yawning slightly. Even that small gesture made the whispers spread like wildfire.

“And where have you been?” Amarantha asked, the anger in her voice making me smile. She was standing on the opposite side of the room, staring straight at me. “We’ve all been waiting for several minutes, haven’t you learned?”

“Learned what? That I’m not to be late to something I don’t even care about? Or learned that you literally kidnapped me to have a chance in this game of power.”

My words just made her hands clench by her sides, and her eyes got filled with flames it seemed as she started to walk towards me, ready to do anything, to crush me under the weight of her shoes, or to get me off my mighty horse. But the trumpets stopped her a few feet in front of me. Even that made her even more pissed off. I doubted she would calm down any time soon, so I just snorted at her and went to my spot, a small smirk on my lips.

**†**

Everyone seemed to ignore me as I walked around the training grounds, just having my arms crossed over my chest and my eyes on whatever was in front of me. I found it weird, not that people were ignoring me, but that no matter how I pulled at the invincible bond, there was no answer, not even a small tug. And since he hadn’t been there when I woke up from my sleep, I was even more suspicious of the activities here.

“Hey, you.”

I shook it off, continuing my walk as if I had heard nothing, maybe they would just leave me alone and not bother to try any further. These people only needed something out from me if it meant that they were trying to call out to me, and I couldn’t care less about it right now.

“Hey, are you deaf?”

The person appeared right in front of me, making me halt in my walk and raise an eyebrow. How did she just appear out of nowhere with a smile on her face, seeming too innocent to even be here. But then again, everyone here was a person of importance, no matter how I looked at it, and I didn’t belong here, not with them. I belonged back in Prythian, or in Cretea, not in some foreign country that I didn’t even remember the name of. And I certainly didn’t want to rule over a land that had a bad past, even though I could have changed it for the better. Being a ruler just haven’t been my kind of sort of fun, it just didn’t make any sense either. Just because my father was related to the Hybern king, doesn’t mean that I had to go in his shoes.

“By now, I will just assume that you’re either occupied with your thoughts, or you really can’t hear me.”

“I can, and my thoughts are none of your concern. Shouldn’t you be training with the others? If they were to see you with me, they would probably start ignoring you as well,” I pointed out, walking around her and continued my stroll. “And besides, I don’t want any company.”

“Oh well, then you don’t want to hear about the Illyrian that they got their eyes on.”

There had only been one Illyrian here as far as I knew, and if they got their eyes on him, then they must have someone with better skill than him, as many described him as the shadows itself. I stopped in my tracks yet again and turned to her, raising an eyebrow, but she shook her head. What was that she knew that she couldn’t tell me here?

“I’ll come to your room and we’ll talk.”

**†**

Training went as normal, no one got badly hurt and I hadn’t even needed to use my powers, they hadn’t given me a reason to. I was pacing in the room given to me as I waited, my fingers tapping my upper arm impatiently. But as someone knocked on the door and I opened, it wasn’t the girl from the training session, it was the prince of whatever this forsaken place was called. It wasn’t that I noticed first, it was the sweat running down his face as if he had just run through the entire place to look for me.

“You have to come, it’s the guy from earlier today.”

It took me a moment to realize what he was saying, it was about the guy from earlier? Which guy did he mean? I had met on a lot of people that were males, so why would he come fetch me when there could be literally anyone else that cared more than I did. Then it clicked, the silence of the bond, the feeling that had been eating me up all day; Azriel. Now it made sense as to why the prince had run through the entire place just to fetch her, it was about her mate.

“Where are they?”

“Outside, him and two other people.”

Azriel wasn’t alone? Who could he possibly bring along without causing the whole Prythian to come along? But I didn’t have time to think about that, I had to get there as fast as I could, before they ended up taking innocent lives. And that is what I did, I ran, I ran as fast as my feet could take me. Despite almost tripping countless of times, my wings was used as a method to keep my balance, I made it right before Cassian grabbed one of the guards. In that moment, I didn’t feel anything, only the feeling under my skin disappearing and filling the air instead. Azriel was the first one to turn to me, his eyes reflecting the confusion that he must have been feeling.

“They’re innocent.”

Cassian turned now towards me and rose an eyebrow, taking his hand back to his chest, glancing slightly to Mor. But I was looking at Azriel, saw him take several steps towards me. I bit my bottom lip, feeling the air turning heavier for every step that he took. The shadows surrounding him was wary, watching everyone’s every move, even our breathing pattern.

“You have to go. I’m fine. They haven’t done anything to harm me. You guys aren’t safe here.”

The pain in his eyes was the last thing I wanted to see, but Mor nodded to the two full-grown ass men and walked over to me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“You got a choice now, Aaliz. Come with us or stay here without having a secure future.”

I couldn’t just leave, Amarantha and Keir wouldn’t let me, I knew that much. Especially with the burning eyes on my back, ready to attack.

“Go and take Azriel with you.”


	14. escape

Was my future not secure since I stayed in the lion’s den? Was there something that they weren’t telling me about the whole situation? And what went through Azriel’s head when he had brought Cassian and Mor here? I brushed a hand through my hair as I sat down by the window, pulling the covers tighter around my body, like it could fill the cold that was left behind. Only when the door opened and Amarantha walked in did I look away from the garden and over at her.

“I heard about the little scene outside. Why didn’t you leave, Aaliz? I’m just curious, it was your only ticket out of here, you know,” she asked, her sharp eyes trying to cut me down.

“Why you ask, shouldn’t you ask why I stayed? You do know that you might be the bad guy here, but I can be so much worse than you. Who knows, maybe I got some plans of my own with those who have wronged me.”

My answer seemed to catch her off guard, I could see it in the way the candle light flickered in her eyes, almost like it listened to me, and only me. Amarantha didn’t dare to put a hand on me, I knew that much, especially when I had the power she wanted and could make her perish off the surface of the world if I so desired.

“You think you’re so smart, don’t you? Befriending the prince and making the people here afraid of your powers, like they would willingly bow to you if you asked,” the redhead spat, her venom barely touching the top layer of my skin. It was the way she walked over that made me react. “I am looking right through you, Aaliz. Your parents were nothing, and you know what comes from nothing? You think you’re something great with the powers that even you are afraid of using, but let me tell you something, a lion in a pack of wolves doesn’t stand a chance.”

I rose to my feet, my wings flaring up behind me just in time for her to grab my throat and push me back to the wall, her every sense seeming to fight with each other whether or not she really wanted to kill me right there and then. But I knew that she wouldn’t, she didn’t dare as all of her powers being gone, and no one in Prythian was afraid of her any longer, especially with Feyre and Rhysand as the high lord and high lady of the night court. They beat her once and was always easier to defeat someone when they already had been defeated.

“Amarantha, you need me. Without me, the court of nightmares have no way or getting out of the mountains without a leash on. The choice is yours.”

For a second, the grip tightened slightly, but I refused to give her the satisfaction of ever getting to know I was slightly struggling with anything she did. Then she took her hand back and turned around, making a grand exit out from my room, not saying another single word.

_Wake up, you’re alive._

I looked around, finding the new source of voice quite familiar, but I didn’t know where I had once heard it. But it slipped my mind as the door opened once again, readying myself for another impact from Amarantha. To my luck, it wasn’t her or Keir, it was the girl from earlier that was in fact walking through the doors. She looked around and then rose an eyebrow at me, like trying to figure out whether or not I was out to kill her right at the spot. I shrugged and sat down by the window once again but kept my eyes on her in the glass.

“There is no need to be wary of me, Aaliz. I’m not your enemy here.”

“I have heard that one a lot since coming here, against my own will,” I replied, rolling my eyes slightly. “And I’m just waiting for the dagger to be pierced through my by now.”

A small laugh escaped the girl as she sat down on the bed, her hands folded in her lap as her eyes wandered around the room. By watching her, I noticed the sun kissed skin of hers, the piercing blue eyes that took in everything in the room, and the black hair of hers. Everything was in contrast to each other, but at the same time, they seemed to blend together and make her almost look like a goddess, and never had I seen someone that seemed to happy to be in an unfamiliar place than this one.

“The Illyrian guy they got their eyes on, most likely your boyfriend with how you two looked at each earlier, but anyways; they are trying to figure out a way to get him out of the way. Someone has noticed the shadows lingering around here that wasn’t here before Amarantha and Keir brought you here.”

“He’s not officially my boyfriend, but I do hope that would change somehow,” I cleared up, shrugging my shoulders slightly.

“Anyway, you should somehow figure out a way to tell him and tell him not to recklessly come and go as he pleases, they are ready for him.”

Telling Azriel to not come and just stay put would be harder than I thought it would be, especially when it seemed like he couldn’t stay away. But I had to try.

**†**

Weeks had passed and everything just got more and more weird, especially Amarantha and Keir. They were barely around any longer, why, I didn’t exactly know. But with them gone, people seemed to disappear, one by one. Azriel hadn’t visited since I told Mor to bring him back to Prythian, and there was no sign through the bond.

“Aaliz, our usual tea party in the garden after training?”

Rachel, the girl that had told me to warn Azriel, had now become one of my closest friends in this forsaken place. She were always there, and I’d learned a lot from her during the weeks that had passed. Just like me, she had no desire to become the next ruler of Hybern, and we were in fact trying to escape this place together.

“Absolutely, do remember that black berry tea is a disgrace, so be sure to bring some with more flavor,” I replied with a small nod before throwing the dagger in my hand at the target a few feet away.

We had to be careful, especially of the prince, even though he was barely around any longer, he had even stopped talking to me for some reason. So much for not being the enemy and trying to stick up for me whenever I needed it. The most I saw of him was when he was escorting one of the few females left in the place. Maybe it was to please the rich and his own mother that he did so, but I didn’t care as much.

“I will be sure to tell the kitchen to not bring that tea, Aaliz.”

**†**

The sun was bright, and I didn’t know whether I would be annoyed with it or if there was something that I could tolerate. Rachel was sitting on the opposite side than me and writing on a sheet of paper, while I was just sitting there and drinking the tea she brought over a few moments before.

“I hope you are ready, for its soon time to take action in getting us both out of here,” she whispered lowly, eyeing some guards that walked past us, but didn’t pay any attention as we just sat there calmly. “Is everything packed?”

We were really going to get the hell out of here, and there was no one in the entire place that could stop us from gaining our freedom. And the situation with the disappearing contestants was still not solved, but we didn’t dare to think about all the possibilities that existed for that. I nodded slightly and put down the cup gently, brushing my braid over shoulder.

_Aaliz, please, wake up!_

The voice that seemed familiar had frequently gotten stronger and stronger, but it never led somewhere, no matter how hard I dug through my memories. Rachel got up and held a hand out to me, helping me up from my chair. I followed closely and quietly as I could, especially with the leather straps on and daggers my boots underneath the dress that I had put on as a cover. We went to my room, as it was the closest to the dungeon.

“Are you sure they are going to wait for us out there?” Rachel asked, her hands slightly shaking.

“They will come, I hope. Either they come or someone who can help us will come, I’m sure of it,” I replied, even though I was doubting it for a second. Azriel and the others might have been too busy to even come out on foreign land, but on the other hand, I hoped that there was someone waiting for us, someone we knew and not some guards. I tore off the dress and grabbed the small bag I had put my most loved items in, before pushing the bed across the floor, revealing the hole in the wall. We had dug for days with no break, no breaks that we weren’t forced to have that was. Rachel got down first, starting to crawl through the hole. I grabbed the bed again, using a lot of strength to pull it after me, hopefully covering the hole enough for people to not notice.

“We have to hurry, or they are going to find us sooner than we can crawl.”

Rachel nodded as we both crawled through the handmade tunnel, both most likely praying to get out of there alive and the whole thing not collapsing over the both of us, burying us alive. I held my breath as I could hear the people walking on the floors above us, not even sensing that someone might be crawling below them. The tunnel wasn’t the longest, we never needed it to be long, just enough to get out from the property. Even though the air was slowly getting heavier, we didn’t stop. We didn’t stop until we were at the end, and the sound of the lake was filling our ears. First Rachel, then me. I took a deep breath for a second before I grabbed her hand and started running through the heavy woods that was located there.

“Do you think they’ve noticed anything?” Rachel asked through the pants. Even if they had noticed that something was off, there was no way that they could know which direction we had gone to. “Aaliz, was this really a good idea?”

I looked over my shoulder and at her, raising an eyebrow, but I didn’t answer. Of course, this had been a great idea at the start, but now? She didn’t know any longer.

“Aaliz!” a familiar voice called out, but there was something with it that threw me off the board. Only when I saw the familiar red light did I let myself relax slightly. “We have to hurry.”

Cassian was standing there, alone. I gave him the luggage and Rachel before I looked over my shoulder. They had noticed, I could that much from the way the wind blew and how the slight vibrations from the ground shot up my feet like electricity.

“Get her out of here, take her anywhere. If she’s safe, I can handle it.”

Rachel grabbed my hand as I was on my way to turn around, and her grip was tight. “Promise me that you will stand your ground until he comes back for you. Aaliz, promise me!”

But I smiled, no words leaving me as I pulled my hand to me and watching them disappear. And when I turned around, it was the prince’s face that was the first one that I noticed.

“So much for being my friend,” I said with a small chuckle, my wings flaring up behind me as I grabbed the daggers from my boots. “Or was all of that just a lie to make me drop my guard?”

He seemed hurt by my words, but I didn’t feel like trying to think of a logical explanation to the lie that he had fed me for weeks, weeks I wasn’t going to get back.

“Come back, Aaliz. You got the most potential of them all.”

It made me laugh, the one person that didn’t want anything to do with the Hybern ground being the one with the most potential? My thought got cut off as a high-pitched scream left my lungs, and I felt a part of myself getting ripped away from my senses. A roaring beast appeared just as I fell to my knees, the daggers hitting the ground, before my hands went around myself, trying to touch them, trying to touch what I had just lost. Everything went in slow motion as I could feel my head feel lighter and my vision getting blurrier than earlier. With a small glance over my shoulder, another scream left me as the tears fell down my cheeks.

“My wings, they cut them off,” I managed to get out through gritted teeth, the pain almost too much to bear.

The beast that had appeared transformed into a man, his golden hair glowing in the sun and the blood in his face made him look majestic, almost like a god, the opposite than Azriel. He was being careful as he knelt down and put a hand on top of my head, brushing away some sweat. As I looked up at him, I knew that he had been the witness of this once before, at least once before, and his told me everything I had needed to know. I tried to smile as I looked slowly around, only managing to see the colors. Red, everything was red, the ground, and my wings.

“Aaliz!”

But I couldn’t stay awake any longer, the darkness seemed welcoming and there was no way I could fight the pain any longer. Tamlin’s face was the last thing that I saw before my eyes closed and everything just stopped.


	15. A dream

__

_The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the white walls, and a beeping sound filling my ears. I couldn’t remember anything, there was just this empty feeling inside telling me that there was something missing, something important. Everything was unknown, yet so familiar, and I could barely keep my surprise as the door opened and a woman walked inside, her eyes and hair reflecting my own._

_“Oh god, you’re awake,” she said and hurried to the side of the bed._

_But what distracted me was her voice, I had heard it somewhere before, and it seemed so familiar. Another person walked through the door; his face emotionless as he glanced in my direction. Even though the moment that he saw that I was in fact looking back at him, he seemed to drop everything and rush over, on the opposite side than the woman._

_“Azriel, careful. She just woke up, and it seems like she can’t even remember what happened.”_

_That name, I felt like I had to know who this person was, or if he was someone that I cared for at all. I tried to move my hand, but a stinging pain ran through my body from my fingers._

“Wake up.”

_Someone was shouting in my head, making me wince in pain, shutting my eyes. What was real, and what wasn’t? I didn’t know if this was a dream or if where I came from was the dream, but either way, I had to figure it out one way or another. The consequences of not knowing, I didn’t dare to explore them, or even figure out what would happen if I were to find out which one was the real world._

“Aaliz.”

With a scream, I opened my eyes and grabbed the closest person, pulled them in and rose my fist as if I was going to punch them. Tamlin held his hands out in front of him as he looked up at me, blinking his eyes in surprise. Drops of water hit his face, and my shaking fist went to my face, finding it almost burning up with heat.

“You’re finally awake. That’s good at least.”

If he was trying to be sarcastic or not, I didn’t know, but I got off him and tried to get out of the bed that I must have been sleeping in. “What happened?”

But I knew the answer as soon as I stood up, my balance not longer existing. My feet gave up on me, and only Tamlin’s hands prevented me from falling right onto my face.

“Lucien is already on his way to the night court to inform them about your whereabouts, and your situation. In the meantime, you will have to stay in bed, and not move as much, especially not punch the first person you see. All doctor’s orders.”

He put me back into the bed and pulled the cover over me before leaving the room without another word. I frowned slightly as I inspected my surroundings with my eyes. Everyone had heard about how he had lost his temper when Feyre had ripped apart his court from the inside, but I never thought it was like this, claw marks on the walls and furniture broken from being thrown around. But it didn’t occupy my thoughts as much as Azriel’s face did from the last time that I saw him. How he had looked so in pain when I told him to leave all those weeks ago. I curled up slightly, the breeze brushing against the bandages around my body, making it almost too much to bear. They had been cut off like they had been something sent to the slaughter, and I hadn’t sensed that there had been someone behind me at that point. But I had no one else than me to blame for them being taken away from me, at least it hadn’t been the powers lingering underneath the skin that had been ripped away from me.

The door opened again and Tamlin yet again walked into the room, but this time he held a tray with food and something to drink. When he put it down on the nightstand, I took a small glance at his face, he seemed just as lost as I was. I sat up slowly and pulled the covers closer to my body as I kept my eyes on him, watching his every move when he went to close the window that had been open.

“How did you know where we were? I doubt that Rhysand and the others told you about it,” I said gently, taking the cup of warm tea and held it in my hands. “Due to the shared events in the past and all that.”

I had thought he would unleash his wrath on me, but that wasn’t the case as he just shrugged, standing by the window and looking out the window.

“Amarantha paid me a visit just before, she knew about your plan about escaping, but she never knew when or how. I was there because of a feeling that I had to be there. Cassian only sensed me just as he winnowed away with my reason to be there at that exact moment.”

Rachel. Tamlin had been there because of Rachel, which could barely only mean one thing; he had found his mate. But why he was treating me as a person, that was a problem for another time. Not that I had the energy to even try and fight him or anyone in the Spring court. I just nodded and closed my eyes as I took a small sip of the tea, feeling the heat spread through my body from the hot liquid.

“I bet Azriel will be here any moment, so I will take my leave, so he doesn’t find another reason to want to kick my ass this week.”

How they seemed to time everything perfectly threw me off guard all of the time, for when Tamlin walked out of the door, shadows filled with the room and Azriel’s arms was wrapped around me in a second. I slowly put the cup down on the tray and put my hands over his, taking a deep breath. Ever since that day, it must have eaten him up inside how I had talked to him and how I had looked at him, not wanting to be saved. Azriel didn’t speak as he just held me, his wings wrapping around me like a shield, like there was still dangers lurking outside of the four walls. I couldn’t push myself to talk, I didn’t have the power to talk as I sat in his arms, my body against his, and his head on top of mine.

“I would have gotten you out of here in an instant, if it hadn’t been for your high fever, and that you probably wouldn’t make the winnowing,” he mumbled into my hair, his voice breaking.

Just hearing the shadowsinger’s voice broke my heart in a thousand pieces, he must have been so worried, and his room was more likely torn into pieces, at least more than this room currently was.

“Tamlin might have done wrong things in the past, but for now, refrain from killing him,” I said and moved slightly, but stopped as the pain shot from the wounds on my back.

Azriel’s grip loosened to give me the space that I needed to turn around and sit on his lap, putting my head on his shoulder. He then wrapped the blanket around my shoulders and then his own arms, while his wings still shielded me from the world outside. Not that I minded that, it was easier to fall asleep now than it was before he came.

“Are you still mad at me?” I asked, closing my eyes.

“How could I stay mad at you? I know why you did what you did. And you’re here now, that’s all that matters. Talking about that, you remind me so much of Feyre, trying to save everyone without thinking about yourself.”

Even though his words were meant to ease my mind, I couldn’t help but to be slightly offended by them. He compared me with his high lady, the one person that I didn’t really like, despite tolerating her. It wasn’t that she had done something too wrong, but there was something about her that just threw me off the hook. Of course, I wouldn’t say that out loud, as it could offend more than one person and that way, I would be on a ship back to Catrea sooner than I thought.

“But if Tamlin were to try and do anything, just send anything. And I will ask Rhysand if I can bring Madja here to look at your back and see if there is anything that can be done to prevent you feeling the pain for a long time. And when you’re finished healing, then I will take you back to Velaris, or send you to the summer court to have a break from everything, just having some time for yourself and yours,” he said. It was clear that he didn’t want me anywhere close to Tamlin and the spring court. Maybe it was due to the past relations between the night court and the spring court, but his dislike with the court was shining brightly.

“Calm down, Azriel. My wings might be gone, but my powers surely are not. And I still remember everything that you taught me all of those years ago, so please, don’t worry too much, okay? And besides, you can just winnow here at any time when Rhysand doesn’t need you,” I said, wrapping my arms around his chest to keep him close.

His scent was calming, and there was something about the way he was breathing that made every worry that I had possessed just wash off me, leaving me to show the vulnerable side of myself.

**†**

Somehow I had fallen asleep in Azriel’s arms, but when I woke up from the intense pain in my back, he was nowhere to be seen. I dragged myself out from the bed and pulled on a cloak to spare my bare skin from the sharp air as I walked out of the room, finding my way out of the mansion. As I walked through the corridors, I couldn’t help, but to notice how there were lower faes working on fixing everything that had been broken. So, this place were going to look new one day sooner or later, and not like a haunted house.

“You shouldn’t be out of bed, Aaliz.”

Lucien’s voice rung through the air from below me, my eyes finding his as I took another step down the stairs. When he had arrived, I didn’t know, but that wasn’t my business either, as I wasn’t even a part of this court, while he was a slight piece of it.

“They can’t force me to be in bed all day and night, Lucien. I have to get some fresh air and move around to not get any further damages, despite the pain,” I replied sharply, taking another step down the stairs, to the place where he was standing, like he was waiting for me. “And besides, the last time I was here, Feyre and Tamlin almost fought over something, and it didn’t give me enough time to actually get a look around.”

His arms went up in defeat the moment I took the last step down to the first floor. A small grin on his face signaled that he wouldn’t be fighting with me on the matter any longer. I nodded slightly, forcing myself to keep on moving out from the mansion and out to the garden, finding the biting breeze calming. If only I could be in the sky instead of down on the ground.

“Let me at least escort you then, to help you have a steady footing and to take down enemies if it comes to that,” Lucien said and offered his hand. I couldn’t fight on him on that, and nodded as I put my hand on his, putting all of my weight on him.


	16. a meeting

Azriel kept his word and came back, even with Madja. She looked on my back and healed what she could, but when she had asked if I wanted her to take away the scars, I shook my head. It would be kept as a daily reminder that friends could turn into foes, and that despite a part of me was ripped away from me, I was still standing and fighting. Me against the big world, with some help from the others. And Azriel had brought me to the summer court, a season that I very much liked. Even though Tarquin was wary of Azriel and me when we arrived, he agreed to let me stay in one of the inns of the town. When we first arrived, he seemed quite surprised and looked at Azriel, which shook his head for some reason. That was something that I kept wondering about as I walked down the city, taking my time to see everything I possibly could. It was something about the town here that made a spark of interest ignite in me, like there was something in this town that was calling me. What it was and where it precisely was, I couldn’t figure out.

“Are you walking all by yourself?”

The voice caught her off guard, making her head snap to the source of the voice. It was a young girl, seeming to be in her teens. She were dressed according to the weather, but there was something in her eyes that made sure that I couldn’t look away. But as she continued to look at me, tilt her head slightly to the side, the smile on her face grew slightly.

“You seem surprised that I took notice of you. That indicates that you tried to not be seen. But you dress like you want to be seen. Come along, and I’ll give you something more suitable.”

I frowned, not really trusting this girl, but as some dogs behind me started pushing me, I didn’t really have a choice. The dogs stood by my side as we walked, as to protect me from the sides, and the girl in front of me was whistling as she led the way to wherever we were going. But as I looked up at the sun, I thought about the time when Azriel had said that he would be coming to visit and check up with me.

“Where are we going? I can’t stay for so long, as I am getting a visitor soon enough,” I asked, my head turning in the direction of the girl in front of me. But at my question, she just chuckled and shrugged her shoulders before finding a pair of keys, opening the door to wherever we were.

“I already sent him a note saying to meet us here if he wanted to have some time with you. That Illyrian warrior of yours, many are thirsty for him, you know. But it seems that his eyes are stuck on you.”

Who was this person that seemed to know the timing better than me? I didn’t know if she was just saying this to make me continue to follow her, or if she actually meant it. But that fell out of my brain the moment I walked into the building Up on the walls hung fabric in various colours, and on the floor, neatly folded was dresses in all shapes, fitting for everyone. I couldn’t help myself as I walked towards the folded dresses, swaying slightly as I let my hand run over them.

“Come on, go and try some on. I have also put some in the backroom for you to try on.”

I only glanced at the girl and nodded slightly before heading into the backroom, closing the door after myself. It wasn’t big, but it was enough space to change in. But there was one thing I as making sure, the mirror in the room was turned around, as I didn’t want to see the damage that was lingering under my skin, telling me of the massive consequence. Deep into my own thoughts, I didn’t notice the small sparks escaping my fingertips. I shook my head and slipped on the dress that I had brought with me. A wonderful purple loose dress, showing off the curves I had, but still wasn’t tight fitted. The moment I turned around to walk out of the door to get an opinion on the dress, I noticed my back in the mirror. Not only that, but the way the scars was formed. And I knew, if I were to try and bring them out, only small studs would appear, not the massive wings that had been a part of me through centuries. With a loud cry, balls of lightning shot out from who knew where and the broken pieces of the mirror flying everywhere. The whole room seemed to freeze as I heard the door swing open and Azriel appeared, his whole face twisted in worry. I heard the shards of glass shatter even further when they hit the floor, my eyes glued to Azriel as he looked around the room. The shadows on his shoulders disappeared, and I didn’t want to know where, but that wasn’t important.

“Are you okay? Did anyone come in here?” he asked, cupping my face in his hands. “Aaliz, say something.”

_I’m fine, just shocked seeing the scars._

Like he knew what I was referring to, his hand fell from my face and he spun me around, his skin warm against my back. I was about to protest, but my mouth just stayed open as I felt him knead his fingers softly exactly where the scars were fresh. He didn’t say anything as he worked on the tense parts, soon massaging my shoulders.

“Thanks, I needed that.”

Azriel just nodded, wrapping his arms around me protectively and put his head on top of mine, softly swaying to each side after turn. Just like he knew what I needed in this exact moment, that there was nothing else beside this that would fully calm down my nerves. I turned around in his arms and rested my head against his chest, closing my eyes as my arms wrapped around his waist. This was making me feel safe, like there no other place out there that was truly safe, only in the arms of the shadowsinger.

“You’ll be alright with time, I promise.”

His voice was down to a soft whisper as he ran his hand up and down my back, giving my head a small kiss of reassurance. I nodded softly and pulled away from him, smiling slightly. His face had a reassuring smile and nodded softly before exiting the room. When the door closed, I let myself fall to my knees, a hand going to my chest, feeling the pounding heart underneath. But what came out of my mouth wasn’t sobs or screams, it was laughter. If it was meant to be a sarcasm or if I found something hilarious, I couldn’t really decide what I wanted it to be. Neither of the options seemed to fit with the way I laughed, but it was something I didn’t have to worry about right now. The laughter stopped once I saw some sparks on the floor, forming a small kitten that looked straight up at me. Where it had come from or how it had been created, I didn’t know, but I found it quite adorable. But as I tried to pet it for absolutely no reason, it disappeared, and I could feel the heat underneath the skin on my arm. It stung for only a moment, but nothing else happened after that, nothing that was visible at least.

“Not everyone can get right up, can they?” I whispered, rubbing my hand where the electric kitty had hopped in, smiling slightly before getting up and grabbing the clothes I had arrived in. After taking on my cloak, I walked out of the small room and smiled at Azriel that was walking around the small store, looking at dresses.

“I will take this,” I told the lady with the dogs. She nodded and sat down in the chair behind the counter.

“Your boyfriend already paid for it. Don’t worry about it and do come back if you ever need new clothes, I even take custom orders.”

At her words, I figured something out, smiling softly before scribbling something down on a piece of paper, folding it once and handing it to her. She only took a second to look at it and nodded. “I can do that. I will come find you when it’s done.”

“I never got to ask, what’s your name?” I asked, wanting to remember this girl.

“Amydien. Pleasure to meet you.”

**†**

Azriel was walking right next to me as we walked down the street, trying his best to not hit the people with his wings as they passed him. I was just laughing as I walked down the street, trying not to laugh too loud to make all of the attention on them.

“You’re having problems with your wings? You can just fly above so you are not in the way of people,” I commented through my laughter.

“But I want to stay down here with you.”

For a moment, I rolled my head, but stopped and got the ribbon out of my hair, it was a decent length. I took his hand in mine and tied it around his wrist, before tying the other end to my wrist with a small chuckle.

“Now you won’t lose me in the crowd,” I replied, bringing a small peck to his scarred hand, smiling softly. “And I won’t ever let go, never.”

He seemed to think it through for several moments, like he was debating if he were going to be able to even get to the air with all of these people walking down the street. But I didn’t get to say anything before I didn’t see him any longer, but the ribbon around my wrist was going upwards.

“Only for you, my love.”

And so, we continued down the street, people pointing at Azriel and smiling, but there was one person who seemed to have seen a ghost, standing by an alleyway, staring straight at me. The ribbon hadn’t been tied hard enough, and it slipped out from my grasp as I jolted in that direction, just in time to see the woman disappear into the shadows. But I could hear her.

“Aaliz?!”

But Azriel should understand if I explained it to him, right? I pushed past people and into the alleyway, following the echoing of the feet hitting the ground. Had it only been my imagination? Or was she really there? My heart was pounding harshly as I ended up in a dead end, but there had to be something there, she couldn’t just have disappeared in thin air, right? A breeze welcomed me as I looked up, and straight into her face.

“Who are you? And why are you following after me?”

Her voice was angelic, I could tell that much as I stared straight at her. The pressure underneath my skin disappeared and everything just felt lighter as the wind hugged me. For a moment, I closed my eyes, missing the feeling. And when I opened them, I looked down at the town beneath them.

“Aaliz?” her voice sounded shocked as she held me tightly, preventing me from falling to my possible death.

I opened my mouth to reply, but nothing came out as I noticed something. The wings on her back, they weren’t white like the ones I had lost, but they were a dark red, almost black. Out of nowhere, a force hit her, making the grip on me disappear, and I was falling freely. But I couldn’t look away from her there she tried to dive down to catch me, her hand reaching out desperately to me.

“Mom,” I whispered, but it got swallowed as the water hit my back fiercely. Just by the pain to judge, I knew something had been broken, if not worse. The water was cold, but I couldn’t move as I kept on drifting deeper and deeper into the waters, not knowing how far down it even went.

_Azriel._

But there was nothing on the other end, only silence. Right before I passed out, there was a shadow breaking the surface of the water and grabbed my hand, but I couldn’t tell if it was my mother or if it had been Azriel that had dived into the water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a dedication to my loyal reader; QueenAmydien!  
> Thank you for commenting and encouraging me to write on this fan fic, as in the start, I didn't know what I wanted. But after getting your comments, I grew fond of you and scream every time I see that you have commented.  
> And now I might even have a sequel planned (tehehehehehehe)


	17. dangers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be in Azriel's point of view!  
> And sorry for the short chapter.

The first thing I noticed was how the ribbon seemed to become lighter the next moment, and when I looked down to see if Aaliz was still there, she was not. Where had she gone? I landed gracefully and looked around, trying to search for her, but the crowd was getting bigger and it was harder to move in any direction beside the same way the crowd was going. But I had to find her.

“Aaliz!” I yelled out, not knowing if it even reached her ears, the shadows whispering to me, they were also trying to find her.

For them, it only took a moment before they reported back where she was. I only had to look upwards, and I could feel my heart sink in my chest just by seeing her so high above the ground. If the person were to drop her, she would not be able to stop herself, she was helpless without her wings in such a situation. Out of nowhere, a force hit the woman holding Aaliz and it was like everything went in slow motion as I watched her fall. Even though I forced myself from the ground, probably scaring some people, I still would not be able to even reach her before she hit the water. And I had been right as well, before I could even reach her, she had gotten underwater.

_Azriel_

Her gentle, yet frightened voice broke my heart into a million thousand pieces. I started to dive after her, pulling my wings close to my body, but the moment before I was even able to reach the water, someone winnowed right in front of me, before winnowing away in a quick flash. The last thing I saw was Tarquin appearing out of nowhere and diving after my mate.

“I’m sorry for appearing out of nowhere, Azr- “

Rhysand did not get further before I took the few steps between us and planted my hand into his face, the shocked gasps being everything that I heard as I stared at him, my jaw clenching and my fists urging to punch him all over again. He had stopped me from saving my mate in her time of need. Even if the shadows were whispering to me about what was going on, I could not stop worrying about her.

“She lost her wings, so you need to stop winnowing me or calling for me when you know I’m there.”

I didn’t mean for my voice to be so serious as I turned on my heel and went to sit down in an empty seat, not even bothered to look at the others. They could say what they wanted, I didn’t care if the world was falling apart right before my eyes, Aaliz meant more than anything. But on the other hand, Tarquin had been there, and I knew about their friendship, so I knew that she was in good hands at least.

“This is a crisis, Azriel. I needed you here when I told everyone.”

Rhysand’s words seemed to have caught their attention as Feyre took hold of his hand, reassuring him. I was staring at the fire in the fireplace, just listening in on them. What could possibly happen that he had to bring in everyone into the small living room in the townhouse? The whispers creeping around started whispering and I knew exactly why he had wanted everyone here before the words even left his mouth.

“Amarantha and Keir is making their move.”

“What? We haven’t even figured where they permanently are. How can they already be ready.”

“Calm down, Cassian. There is nothing to worry about, we still got the upper hand in the battle.”

I could just sit back and listen to them, whispering lowly to my own shadows to watch over Aaliz in my absence. Not that they could do much, but they could at least be there to soothe her if it was needed. There was silence down the bond, so she was either passed out, or occupied with something important. All I hoped for was that she wasn’t freezing in the water any longer and actually got taken care for. If something happened to her, there was no way for anyone to know what would happen, if it either was anything good or bad. I had seen the way some of the courts had looked at her after learning of the power hidden underneath her skin. Luckily, she didn’t become a threat, so they had let her go for that reason alone. Even those who knew her were caution when she seemed to have a breakdown at any time.

“Azriel, we need Aaliz on our side.”

“Not going to happen.”

“Why?”

Feyre looked at me with confusion before standing up straighter than previously. The shadows creeped by her legs, like they wanted to make her fall for some reason.

“Because she is injured. The moment you guys got me here, she had just fallen into the lake. Luckily Tarquin got there right then.”

The confusion on her face turned to pain, then guilt. I shrugged my shoulders and looked away from her again, putting my chin in my hand as I looked at the fire, it reminded me of her for some reason. Feyre left me alone to sit there and went to Rhysand for who knew what reason. The next person that walked over was Elain, handing me a glass of some water. Out of all of them, I felt like only she understood what it was like. She smiled softly as she just sat down next to me, her hands in her lap. It was peaceful, the quiet that came along to when she was around. Elain reminded me so much of Aaliz, even though they were quite the opposite. What was between Lucien and Elain, I didn’t know yet, mostly because I hadn’t been around much due to spending time with Aaliz.

“We must be strong and brave; only then will they bow down. The almighty queen shall sacrifice her life for the greater good.”

For some reason, the fear built up inside me as I heard her words, knowing well that they were going to come true one way or another. But we didn’t know who it would be about, if it was about Amarantha, the queen of Rask or if there was someone else completely. It seemed like everyone had heard Elain’s words, for they all just stared at her before looking at each other in confusion. No one really knew what her words meant before they actually happened, and that would be too late if it was really a sacrifice that would be made.

“Elain, how are the flowers growing?” I asked, standing up from my seat in a swift motion.

“Huh? Oh, they are blooming all right. Do you want to see?” she asked, getting up as well.

I nodded my head before escorting her out of the house and to the garden. For a long time, it seemed like it was only there that I could breathe freely in the entire house. And there was something I had to ask from the Archeron sister.


	18. i'm lost

When I came to, there was no one around, neither Azriel, not my mother. Everything had seemed like a dream, the pain spreading through my body like lightning the only proof of what had happened. How long it had been, I didn’t know, but I could feel that there was something in the air, nor good, or bad. But there was something there, and if I just reached out, I could feel it. The heavy atmosphere that filled the room. My thoughts got interrupted as someone entered the room, his crystal blue eyes seeming surprised to see me awake.

“Tarquin.”

He smiled as I remembered him, putting down a tray of food next to the bed before he opened the window slightly, taking a deep breath of the fresh sea air. But the atmosphere changed, it became heavier than what my body felt like. And I already knew, he was carrying awful news to me, I realized by the way he slowly turned around, almost hesitant, and the way he glanced towards the door. He was the only one that could carry the news, everyone had already left.

“Amarantha and Keir is attacking the night court.”

It was like a hit to the guts; they had been attacked while I was out. And by the look on his face, he didn’t even know if they were still standing or not. Everything was quiet down the bond, and it was hanging in a thin thread. I got out of the bed in a hurry, but my feet still hadn’t woken up, so I tripped over. Tarquin caught me and put me back in the bed.

“Don’t worry too much, Aaliz. They should be fine; we’re talking about the curse breaker and the strongest high lord in history. And they have the Illyrian warriors.”

“How long was I out, Tarquin?”

He seemed hesitant to answer my question, that answered my question as I got back out of the bed and hurriedly got dressed. I had been sleeping for too long, and the present wasn’t the one that I was familiar with. They needed my help; I could feel it deep in my bones. I prayed for Azriel to hold on and not leave me behind like this. There was still so much we could do, and so much that was still not explored in the world.

“You can’t get there without your wings.”

“I know that. That’s why you’re going to bring me there.”

“I can’t do that.”

I turned to him with my eyebrows raised, like I already knew that he would accept my request. And even he knew it as he adjusted his clothes for a moment before pulling out a small dagger and a sword.

“Then you should have these and come back in one piece.”

“I can’t promise that.”

Tarquin had a look of defeat before he lightly grabbed my hand, and everything went dark. It took only a moment before the light was shining on my face again. He gave my head a small pat after letting go of my arm.

“I will tell Drakon and Miryam. We’ll wait for you.”

How I had gotten such friends, I didn’t know, but I was more than grateful to them. I nodded my head at them before adjusting the straps around my thigh holding the dagger. Tarquin then vanished from my sight and I was ready to find Azriel and the others. Velaris seemed to be alright by the look of it, so they could possibly not be there. There was only one other place that could be fit for a fight between Amarantha and Rhysand. I slid down the hillside softly, my muscles still sore from the high fall several days ago.

_Please be alright._

I sent the message through the thin thread, not really thinking about if he were going to answer or not. He at least should know that I was awake and coming. But for some reason, I had a bad feeling about all of this, but I couldn’t really tell what kind of bad feeling it was, it was just bad. As I stopped by the bottom of the hill, a figure appeared out of nowhere, and I recognized her.

“Mom, what are you doing here?”

“I-“

“Mom! What are you doing here?!”

For a slight moment, it seemed like she was debating whether to tell me or not. I grabbed her hand firmly, small shocks escaping it. Her expression told me that she hadn’t expected that and took a quick step backwards.

“Your mate, he-“

“Mom.” I warned her, my patient running thin.

“He’s down.”

Two words, they would have hurt much more if I hadn’t known what I might have to face. It also explained the bond only being a small thread, barely hanging on. She took a step back as I took one forward, my eyes fixated on her.

“That should have been you. I thought you were dead all these years and you have been watching over me? Where were you when they took my wings away from me? Where were you when I needed you the most?”

For each word, we continued our little move, her walking backwards and me walking forward. Everything about her told me that she didn’t have an answer that would calm my anger, that would make me forget that she wasn’t there while she was still alive.

“You’re a coward. And I’m glad I didn’t get that from you.”

Were my words harsh? Absolutely. But I had to get it in her head that what she did was wrong. My own words were also targeted at me, for being so childish without her and my father. And she didn’t even try to protest or turn my words around, because she knew that I was right, that I wasn’t some young girl that needed her protection.

“Azriel!”

Rhysand. That was his voice calling out my mate’s name. I turned away from my mother before starting to run, run as fast as I could. He was still there, I could feel it, I knew he would fight to the very end. There was no way he was going to go down without a fight, it just wasn’t possible. As I was running, the memories flooded in, our first meeting, the first kiss, the first dance we ever had. All of the fun we had; it all came rushing back in glimpses.

“You won’t get there in time!”

I had to try, no, I had to make it. He was waiting for me, he was fighting for his court, but I knew deep down that he was waiting for me. The only thing I could hear was the heartbeat in my ears and the yelling of the others. I was getting close, and it was now or never. With a leap, I jumped off the edge and grabbed the dagger Tarquin had lent me as I fell towards the ground.

“Aaliz!”

Elain was the one calling out my name in horror, like she hadn’t expected me to be there, like she knew what was about to come. Yet again, she probably did, she was a seer, and something told me that she knew something I didn’t. But I couldn’t be bothered with her right now, my main goal was to find Azriel no matter what. And I sure did, Cassian and Rhysand was standing around him, fending off the soldiers coming straight towards them. While he was in the middle, his eyes closed and in a pool of his own blood.

“Need some help?”

Feyre appeared out of nowhere, grabbing a hold of my hand, her wings flapping behind her back as she looked down at me. I nodded slightly, putting my problems with her aside as the scene in front of me got closer. Once I knew I wouldn’t hurt myself by landing, I let go of her hand and embraced myself for the impact. Rhysand and Cassian just glanced at me as I landed in front of them, slowly standing up on my feet.

“Take my picture now, shake it till you see it.”

They seemed confused by my words, but I just shook my head, my grip on the dagger tighter. Even though I didn’t need it, I never did.

_Let everything out, all of the pent-up anger and frustration. Aaliz, let it out and let them hear your voice.._

Azriel’s whimpers brought a small smile on my face, he was still there. I had gotten here in time; I had made it in time.

“I’ll save my home and my family.”

“What are you planning?”

Cassian looked at me after fending off a soldier, and just like everyone else, he looked confused.

“Take Azriel back, and don’t look back.”

“You’re planning on sacrificing yourself?” Rhysand interrupted, his hand tightly gripping my upper arm.

I turned around to him, the dagger in my hand flying to his throat, barely stopping before I did something that I knew I would regret. They were Azriel’s family, they had been there for him when I couldn’t. And I couldn’t even try and repay that, for they were there before I even had the chance of coming into his life.

“I’m not. Just going to fend them off for time. Now do it, or you will get caught up in it.”

We stood there for a moment, the soldiers just getting closer and the rain starting to pour down from the sky. This was foolish, it was just a matter of time before I could no longer do as I wanted to. Rhysand kept his gaze on me before nodding slightly, and I knew for a fact that he had been in my head, knowing what was coming.

“He needs you when he wakes up, I won’t forgive you if you fail your task.”

Cassian was the one to pick up Azriel, as careful he possibly could. I lowered the dagger before watching Rhysand take off as well. Only Nesta was the one that remained, I figured by the way she walked up to me, like she also knew.

“I like you; you got the guts.”

“The pleasure is all mine, Archeron. Are you ready for what is awaiting?” I asked, holding the sword from Tarquin out to her.

And so, it started, I walked with Nesta as the soldiers were running towards us, their swords high in the sky, ready to strike. Once we got enough far from the others, we looked at each other before intertwining our fingers. Nesta nodded her head as her gaze glided over the soldiers. I lifted the dagger towards the sky and closed my eyes.

_Please, if you’re still listening to my prayers, grant me the power to show them. Give me the strength to come out of this alive. And keep a watch over Azriel for me, he’s everything I wish to protect in this cruel world. Please, if you’re listening, hear my prayer._

It took several moments of silence before I could hear their screams of horror. Nesta next to me let out a gasp, forcing me to open my eyes and look over. But she was looking straight in front of us, her face being in a mix of amusement and pure horror. I looked in front of us slowly, the dust filling the air like a pollution. But there was someone who was walking towards us with their sword still in hand.

“Aaliz. We should go back.”

“Yeah, and we better hurry.”

Amarantha caught up to us faster than anticipated. I let go of Nesta and nodded my head.

“You can still turn this around, my dear. Come back with me and this will all be over with,” Amarantha said, letting the sword of hers glide against the ground as she walked towards us. “All of their deaths are on you.”

“I will never go back; it isn’t what I desire. What I desire is right here, and I will stand my ground. No matter what you do or what you say, it won’t change what I believe is right.”

“That will be the reason you’re leaving this world. There is nothing to return you, only the emptiness that will linger behind.”

_Aaliz. I’m sorry._

His voice caught me off guard, leaving an opening for Amarantha to strike. But it wasn’t me she hit, instead the figure landing right in front of me, holding me close to her body.

“You’re right, I’m a coward. At least I was brave for a moment and could do this for you.”

My mother’s body went heavy slowly in my arms, and I knew she was disappearing. She had just gotten back to me and now I was losing her. I held her close as the weight of holding her up made my knees give up underneath me.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what I said. Please stay with me, mom. What am I going to do now that I just found you? I can’t lose you again, I just can’t.”

“You will have to. I will see you again, my dear. Be strong now and don’t grieve for too long. I’ll tell your father what a lovely young woman you’ve become and how he should keep on watching over you.”

Nesta was fending off Amarantha while I was sitting on the ground, the rain pouring down and my mother in my hands. She was smiling up at me, but the smile never reached her eyes as she raised a hand to put on my cheek. I covered her hand with my own as I closed my eyes, not being able to stop the tears from falling. Rhysand and Feyre came as well, but they were hesitant of coming close to me and my mother. But I could already tell, she was gone, and it was my own fault. Only if I hadn’t followed after her that day in the market, maybe she wouldn’t have rushed to save me this time.

“I’ll see you soon, mom. Thank you.”

Slowly, I stood up, finding the strength to carry her in my arms as I walked away from the battlefield, my cheeks stained with tears and the rain falling off me. Cassian was the one that met me by the trees, only patting my shoulder in comfort before he led me to where Azriel and Elain was located. I put my mother down gently and put my jacket over her before walking over to my mate. He was greatly wounded, I could tell just by seeing him, but he was a fighter, I knew he could break through it.

_Come back to me, I need you._

Elain and Cassian left to find the others, leaving me behind with Azriel. I couldn’t keep it in any longer, I had to let it out. With my head resting on his chest and my bloody hands wrapped around his, I screamed. Screamed like never before, letting out all of the anger and the pain that was running through my veins, ready to break me. Everything that had happened since I came back to Prythian had been too much, I didn’t know how to hold on to the hope that had been given to me. All I could do was scream out my hearts content, the skies lighting up with a big growl. They had lost so much, every single one of them. And it was because of me that they had been forced to fight a battle that wasn’t theirs to fight.

“Come back to me, I can’t do this alone. You’re everything I have left, if you decide to let go…” I started, my voice breaking from the screaming. “I will understand, and I will be strong. But please if you can, come back to me.”


	19. the ring

Azriel was out for several days, and I didn’t even dare to let go of his hand. The others only came into the tent with the food that we were supposed to ear. Feyre had healed Azriel to her best capabilities, now it was only up to him to decide when to wake up from him slumber. I was currently laying next to him on the bed, taking in his heat as I was relaxing my eyes. Everything was so silent when it was serious circumstances., and I despised it. My mother had been buried on top of the hill, Elain had made sure to plant some flowers on her grave and made it all pretty.

“He’s still out.”

Elain scared the living shit out of me as she stood right in front of me as I opened my eyes and looked up at her. But I only nodded, tired from crying and praying my small prayers. She sat down in one of the chairs, holding a box in her hands.

“Before we left Velaris to meet Amarantha, he took me aside, asked me to do something.”

Her words were soft as she held the box out for me. I was hesitant at first, not knowing what could possibly be in it. But if it were something Azriel had planned, I was sure it meant something. So, I sat up slowly, finally letting go of Azriel’s hand to get the box.

“I know you’re losing hope, Aaliz. He had planned to give you this once this was all over and peace roamed the land again, but with him in this-“

I stopped her by opening the box slowly, not wanting to hear anymore about Azriel’s condition right now. The thing inside brought a small smile upon my lips as I moved a shaky hand to touch it. He had known all this time, but never said anything about it, or maybe he just didn’t have enough time to have said something in all of the chaos.

“He knew something would happen, and this was what he could come up with that would bring some joy into the madness the world has become. We sat for hours deciding how to step forward with it, and we had planned something sweet. But fate had other plans for you both,” she explained, her hands in her laps and a soft smile on her lips.

“He did this for me?”

“Aaliz… he loves you more than himself. When Rhysand got him here when you were in danger, he knew he couldn’t live without you.”

I glanced over to Elain then at Azriel’s sleeping body before my eyes landed on the ring in the box. The light made the small gem sparkle and for a moment, I could swear that the wings around the edge was moving. He must have known more than I had told him when it came to the loss of my wings, or this wouldn’t have been the one thing he had given me.

“Thank you, Elain. For giving this to me and being with Azriel when I couldn’t.”

She just smiled and got up from the chair, bowing slightly before exiting the tent, leaving me behind with Azriel’s sleeping body. I leaned back until my head rested on his chest, admiring the ring in the box in front of me. Azriel’s beating heart was the only thing beside his chest moving up and down that indicated that he was still alive.

“You know, it would be so much more romantic if you’d given this to me yourself.” But I was speaking to the air as I lowered the box to my lap and stared at the roof of the tent. “But I am grateful that you’re holding on at least.”

I took the ring out of the box and slipped it onto my finger before turning to face him, putting a hand on his cheek. He wasn’t hot or cold, he was just perfect.

“You mean more than the world to me, Azriel. I don’t know if you can even hear me in your slumber, or if this is all in vain, but at least Amarantha has retreated for now. Rhysand and Cassian are worried about their brother.”

Maybe if I kept updating him on things that had being going on for the last few days he would get the strength to come back, to take the last step towards the surface. I was just laying there, chatting about everything and nothing for hours, not minding it at all, it was a good way of preventing myself not to cry when I so felt like it. But in the end, it was just me talking, with no response. I got up from the bed and wrapped my arms around myself, as if it was of any comfort.

“This is all my fault; I shouldn’t have stayed here. I should have gone back to Cretea when I had the chance with Drakon and Miryam.”

All of the sudden, a heavy hand grabbed my hand and pulled me back from my position. I groaned slightly of the sudden impact, closing my eyes in surprise. But nothing happened after that. All I could hear was heavy breathing and the rain pouring down outside the tent.

“Open them. I want to see your eyes.”

Like everything just left my body, I obeyed the words of my mate. He was hovering over me, seeming to barely be awake enough to move around. Yet, he ran his hand slowly down my face, gentle and careful, like I was something that could break. I laid completely still, terrified this was just my head playing with me and my emotions. Even though this felt real, I could never be too careful when it came to illusions.

“You came. Are you hurt?”

His voice was hoarse, and it sent chills down my back, making me lose my voice. I could only shake my head to answer his question, not wanting to tell him about my mother. Even though it was an answer he should have been pleased with, he didn’t look pleased at all. His eyes searched me, for any clue of a lie, but once they reached my hand, his whole expression softened. Now I didn’t know what was reality and what was a dream.

_You’re dreaming. Wake up._

The voice calling to me was not Azriel, and it came out of nowhere, terrifying me. I pushed him away from me, got up from the bed and rushed out of the tent, my hands in my hair.

“This is just a dream, when I wake up, I’ll be sleeping in his arms and he isn’t being a flirty bastard.”

“What makes you think this is a dream?”

“Well, everything. You were greatly wounded, so it doesn’t make sense that you could get that much strength out of nowhere.”

I continued to take a few steps before stopping, turning on my heel. And I had guessed right, Azriel was walking behind me, shirtless and a hand to his side like he was hurting. But I couldn’t focus on the matter of hand when his Illyrian marks were showing and the water running down his muscular body like the heavens were indeed teasing me. I took a deep breath and turned away from him, closing my eyes for a moment.

“And the Azriel I knew would actually get dressed.”

Elain and Nesta popped out of nowhere, making me slip off my coat and throwing it at Azriel before shaking my head and continue walking like nothing happened at all. For a fact, I knew the three of them were just looking at each other like I was complete insane. But I had to make sure if this was a dream or not, and the easiest way to do so was to jump into a lake. Even though it would be ice cold, it would prove if all of this was a dream or not.

“Don’t just walk off, Aaliz.”

“You shut your mouth, I need to clear my head,” I snapped at Rhysand, not even stopping to glance at him.

Cassian was the one cheering the loudest behind my back that Azriel was awake, I could hear him from where I was walking into the clearing. I stopped once I crossed the clearing and came to the lake, looking down at my own reflection. For a slight moment, I swore I could see my mother there, smiling at me, but this one was different, she was alive. Then it changed and it seemed like Amarantha appeared behind me, but when I turned around, there was no one there. But I had turned too fast and was about to slide down the small edge and into the lake, before a hand grabbed mine and pulled me towards them.

“Don’t do that. I know what happened, Aaliz.”

Azriel kept me close to his chest, while I could feel the weight of my own coat be laid upon my shoulders. I was panting, everything catching up to me.

“It’s not only I that needs to relax. You lost your mother and you almost lost me. I’m not stupid, I know.”

I simply couldn’t hide anything from him or his shadows at this point, it was pointless to even try and deny the truth.

“What am I going to do?” it came out as barely above a whisper as I looked up at him, barely managing to keep my eyes open due to the rain.

“Put your trust on me and stay, for me,” he replied, a hand brushing away my hair from my face with a small, shy smile. “Marry me, Aaliz.”

“How can you-“ but I was interrupted by his lips on mine in a gentle kiss. He surely knew how to make me stop talking, and he knew me more than I knew myself.

“Listen to me, please. While I was out, I wanted to give up, I didn’t see the point in staying. But I knew you were there and watched me while I was asleep. And on the battlefield, I knew you would sacrifice yourself if the chance came,” he started, looking down at me with gentle eyes, “and I can gladly say I’m happy it didn’t. I came back for you, and there is nothing else I’d rather do than make you officially mine. Be mine and I will put you first, before any court and any other person.”

I could only watch as he slowly went down on one knee and held my hands in his, then putting his forehead against them. He looked just like a knight bowing down in front of their queen out of loyalty.

“And I will protect you till the day we both die, like a knight of shadows serving his queen of light.”

“What if I leave before you, not dying, but disappearing out of thin air?”

Where it came from, I did not know, it just rolled out of me before I could even think about it. But the way he looked up at me made me already think out the answer.

“I’ll find you, no matter where you are or the time, I will find you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people!  
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	20. the bath

I forced Azriel back into the bed once we walked back to the camp, while I was sitting right outside the tent, my head in my hands. Absolutely nothing made sense any longer, I couldn’t calculate the end of it.

“How is he?”

Rhysand appeared out of nowhere and sat down next to me. He didn’t put a hand on my shoulder or anything, he just sat there.

“Still mad at you for winnowing him here a few days ago.”

“Hey listen, about that-“

There was no patience left in me to even hear his explanation. I stood up on my feet, pulled him up as well, dragged him to the closest tree I could find before slamming him into it. And he let me do it, not even the slightest hint of surprise written on his face. With a small groan, I punched the tree next to his head.

“Is this the kind of high lord you are? Forcing someone to fight for you when they are in the middle of something? If you had gotten there two minutes later, I would still be able to help you guys. And maybe then Azriel wouldn’t almost have died. That’s on you, Rhysand Night, don’t even deny it.”

My words were like a punch to his face, I could sense it. The shadows close threatened to shoot out, but I knew Azriel had my front on that case.

“A hit would be better than this.”

“Too bad, I don’t have the patience to even try and punch you. Hate me all you want, try to ruin me if you so desire. Or send your little cursebreaker on me, just try,” I snarled, my eyes staring into his. With a swift movement, he crouched down and held his balls with both of his hands.

“Aaliz!”

But I was too busy showing my point to even bother answering Feyre or Cassian as they stood some feet away. Cassian holding his high lady, like he knew that I needed to get this out of the way. Not only for me, but for Azriel has well, this was what I could do for him. I grabbed Rhysand’s hair and forced his head back, forcing him to look me in the eyes.

“If he had died, his blood would have been on your hands. So be happy that I came and that the only reason I don’t kill you right now is for him.”

I couldn’t just not do anything, so I let go of his head, turned around, seeming like I was about to walk away. But I spun back towards him, driving my knee into the side of his head. Feyre let out a shriek of surprise as Rhysand just let his head hang down low. I breathed out and left them out there, casually walking into the tent to see Azriel sitting on the bed, already looking towards the opening.

“You got guts for doing that.”

“I learned from the best, and he clearly needed something to wake him up,” I replied softly, walking over to him and just flopped down into his open arms.

With my head on his shoulder and his arms around me, I felt safe, I felt like I was finally where I was supposed to be. He was running his fingers through my hair softly as he just sat there with me cradled in his arms. It was in that moment we both knew; we were finally home. Azriel softly fell back into the bed, still holding me and started humming softly. We didn’t need to say anything, nor did we need to send anything down the bond either. All we needed to do was relax and take a break from the world outside of the tent.

“Did you know?” he suddenly asked.

“Hm?” I replied, already half asleep.

“Ah, nothing. Just go back to sleep, you need it.”

For a moment, I debated if I were to get it out of him, but since the sleep was pulling at me, I figured that he would tell me when I was fully aware of my surroundings. I snuggled closer to him as he pulled the blanket over us, giving my forehead soft kisses.

“I will see you in the morning, my love.”

“See you in the morning.”

**†**

When I woke up, Azriel was still sleeping next to me, his chest raising and lowering softly. I was curious as to what he was supposed to tell me before I fell completely asleep but shoved it to the side as I crawled out of the bed gently. For some reason, it was already a tub with hot water behind a curtain, like he had known I wanted to wash myself after I had gotten the sleep I needed. Bathing would be a good time to get my muscles to relax, not only my brain and soul. I undressed from the clothes I had been wearing for days and got into the tub, slowly sliding down until the water reached up to my chin. This was everything that I needed while Azriel was still asleep, I needed time to really think without any dangers around me or waiting for their time to strike.

“What is reality?” I asked myself, running a hand through my hair softly, untangling the loose braid that still somehow had been hanging on for dear life.

The light hit the ring on my finger, turning my attention from my own thoughts to it. Azriel had asked me to marry him, and I still hadn’t even answered him yet. It was like a dream that teenage girls had while they were thinking of their crushes. Out of disbelief, I slid down further into the bathtub until my head was under the hot water.

_Nothing is real, you have to wake up before it is too late, Aaliz. Your family is waiting for you, praying that you’ll wake up. You’re living in a fantasy, wake up or you might actually die._

No. That only added to the things that I still didn’t understand. I took hold of the edges of the tub, pulling myself up. I looked around in a hurry, the only sounds I could hear was the sound of my own panting and the sound of the rain outside of the tent. Azriel was still sleeping or he would probably jump out of the bed and hurry over to check if everything was alright. I took a deep breath to calm myself and looked at the slight opening of the tent, getting lost in my own thoughts once again. But they were overwhelming as they tried to figure out what was right and what was in fact wrong. Or more correctly; what was real and what was not. It was just like I was trapped in a box, filling with water that would end up killing me if I didn’t figure it out some time soon. I could already feel the grip around my throat and the burning down my throat.

“Aaliz, where are you?”

I hadn’t even heard him get up from the bed and walk around the tent. For a moment, I just stared at the curtains that prevented him from seeing me, even though I knew that he possibly could hear me move around in the water.

“Still soaking in the hot water,” I managed to force out, running a hand through my hair, taking a deep breath.

Exactly five seconds later and I could feel his arms on my bare shoulders, massaging them softly while pressing a soft kiss on top of my head. Just like he knew what was worrying me in this exact moment. I looked up at his smiling face as he put a soft kiss on my forehead.

“You’ve been in there for a long time, my love.”

I nodded and raised my hands, getting help from him to get out of the tub and the cloth was wrapped around my shoulders carefully, like I was a doll that could break into a million pieces. Or if I was just like a dream, I could decide which one I believed more.

“I will go and check up with Rhysand and Feyre, get dressed and we’ll go and practice.”

“Yeah, and don’t laugh when you see his face,” I replied, going to my clothes that was laid on the bed, thanks to Azriel before I finally caught it, “wait, training?”

But he had already left when I spun around to get an answer out of him. With a sigh, I shook my head and turned back to the clothes, putting them on. The thoughts from earlier stayed away as I got dressed, even putting on the leather straps to hold the weapons I still hadn’t mastered completely. With a soft sigh, I braided my hair as I walked out of the tent. At least the rain had cleared up while I had gotten dressed, but what was once a dirt road was now just a pool of mud.

“Aaliz, here I come!”

Cassian came crashing down, landing like a warrior in the pool of mud. I took a deep breath and looked down on myself before looking back up at the warrior in front of me. Everything was quiet for two minutes before he took off, with me on his heels, screaming at him to have ruined my day by spilling mud on me before the training even had begun. I could even hear everyone else laugh at the scenery as I jumped on Cassian’s back, and grabbed his ears, leaning backwards.

Azriel walked up to us and played along, probably finding it amusing how we were acting like children on a playground. I was trying my best to not fall off Cassian’s back as he took off into the sky, his arms on my feet so I didn’t end up falling off. It didn’t take long before Azriel joining us up in the sky.

“Drop her and you’re dead, Cassian.”

“Woah, Azriel. What makes you think I’ll drop her?”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, taking in the fresh air from so high above. Everything was more peaceful up there, nothing to really worry about. Azriel and Cassian’s voices started fading as my grip on the bigger one loosened slightly. I slowly held my hands out and felt the breeze pinch my skin.

“Look at her, you got a great mate, Azriel.”

The moment I heard Cassian’s voice, I opened my eyes and looked between them in turns. Both of them just shook their heads and slowly made their way back to the ground.

“Catch, brother.”

It took me a moment to even realize what was happening as Cassian suddenly threw me away from him. We hadn’t even gotten to the ground yet, so what was it that he was currently planning? But it didn’t take long before Azriel caught me in mid-air and held me close to his body, the air filling with their laughter.

“Don’t worry. Cassian is just teasing you. Especially since you are going to start your extra training with him.”

“What?!” I screamed and looked at him in utter shock.

“It will be fun. Don’t worry.”


	21. the beginning of the end

Fun? That was what Azriel had said it would be before the training had started, but here I was, standing in mud to my knees at the same time as trying to block Cassian’s harsh blows. How I had gotten into the mud I still hadn’t thought over, I had first been standing on steady ground and then I was deep in the mud already, Cassian not even giving me a break to get out of there before he continued his training. Azriel was out on patrol, while everyone else beside me and Cassian were back at Velaris, not wanting to leave the court alone for too long. But that had about two or three weeks ago.

“Find a solution, Aaliz. Your enemies won’t show mercy when they got you in a difficult spot. And if that is hard, think of something that pisses you off enough to get the strength hidden away.”

It was easy for him to say, he had trained this way for years at the camps and he had more mental strength than I did. His hand went to grab my throat, lifting me out of the mud, but the grip wasn’t tight enough to leave a mark or giving me problems. I was thrown backwards, landing on my knees, my head resting against the ground.

“Fight, Aaliz. Find your reason to fight. Just because you lost your wings doesn’t mean you’re less worth than any other person. Azriel might be there when you need him the most, but what about when he’s down and there’s only you on your feet?”

“… stop.”

“Stand up and fight for what’s right. They may think of you as a villain, but Azriel sees through you. He’s patiently waiting for your answer to his proposal, and he can’t sit still. You’re his weakness, but if you’re going to throw in the towel…”

“I SAID STOP!”

I screamed at the top of my lungs as I lunged forward, using my entire body to move him backwards. And he didn’t fight it, he followed along, most likely with his arms up in the air. The moment we both tripped was the moment the force left me, and he was thrown further back, and I was sitting on my knees, my hands in front of my face. I could feel the ground shake as Cassian hit the ground with a small groan. My own panting was the only sound I could hear as I looked at the ground, calming myself down. But I knew Cassian was right, I had to find what it was I was fighting for, a reason beyond Azriel. There were a million thing I could fight for, but none of them sat right with me in the current situations.

_“It's your choice, Aaliz. Remember that you are your own person, and you glow just like Thesan, but from here," he whispered, putting one of his hands over my heart. "And I don't want you to ever forget that."_

Azriel put his faith in me in finding myself in this absurd world, I remembered that from after the masquerade ball. Slowly, I got up from the ground, my knees threatening to give up on me, but I forced myself to stand up straight. Cassian rose an eyebrow at me there he sat.

“We’re not done yet,” I said, “I’m going to show them who they’re messing with. Let’s begin again.”

**†**

Azriel stood up from the chair as I walked through the townhouse’s doors with Cassian supporting me by having my shoulder over his shoulders. He just shrugged as he watched my mate take in the sight of me, his face twisting in something unreadable for every second.

“You didn’t have to beat her up, you know?” he finally said.

“I didn’t decide, she wanted to go on until I had to force her to stop. Talking about something glowing from the heart,” Cassian replied.

“Hey, don’t spill it for him, I don’t need more scolding,” I hissed, pushing myself away from Cassian, only to trip over my own feet and land on the floor.

“Rhysand asked for you, he’s upstairs.”

Cassian took one last glance at me before he disappeared, while Azriel crouched down in front of me and brushed some hair away from my face, clicking his tongue in disappointment. I just laughed at him as I got up from the floor and used the wall as support.

“Wait here for a second, I’m going to ask Elain about something.”

“Ah, okay.”

It took him two minutes to leave and come back, a bag thrown over his shoulder before he picked me up gently and we suddenly winnowed. He put me down in a chair and mumbled for himself. I just looked around and frowned slightly as I took in the unknown place that I hadn’t been in before. But the air was filled with the scent of pine trees and lavender, both seeming to calm my senses and for a moment, I forgot about the pain shooting through my body for several minutes as I just leaned back in the chair, closing my eyes and listening to Azriel’s movements around the place. They seemed hurried, like it was life or death we were talking about.

_I’ll marry you._

His movements stopped for a moment, and the shatter of glass made me laugh softly. Then I could hear the curse words as he cleaned up the glass and his footsteps as he continued to walk around the place, doing what he was doing. I nodded to myself and got up from the chair, heading over to the bathroom, needing dearly a bath. And just like last time, the bath was already filled with hot water, like they knew I was going to take a bath. I stripped out of the leather and stepped into the tub, slowly sitting down while groaning. The difference from this time and the last time was that I didn’t need my mind to wander for me to be relaxed. All I needed to do was listen to Azriel’s low mumbling and footsteps throughout the house. Would it be like this if we ever were to move away from the others and live like normal people?

_Who knows? The future still isn’t set._

Azriel’s voice was soothing down the bond, like a soft puppy licking the owner’s wounds after another dog had bitten them. I chuckled slightly and loosened my braid and let my hair hang down by back and float in the water. In the days I had spent here, it had slowly lost its colour, and I hadn’t bothered to dye it or ask anyone to do so. The white hair represented the wings I had lost, and I loved how healthy it looked this way than when it was chestnut coloured. It had all started when I first used my powers, and with the number of times I’ve used it during the training, I had given up even trying to hide it. Not that it was bad, it wasn’t, it was a pleasant change.

“I got everything ready for when you’re ready,” Azriel said as he appeared behind me, running his hand through my hair. “It suits you.”

I looked up at him with a gentle smile, knowing he was already counting the bruises on my body after the training weeks. He just shook his head and held a towel wide, watching me as I stepped out of the tub and wrapped it gently around me, before picking me up and walked to one of the rooms. Bottles of some liquids was resting on the small table by the bed, ready to be used.

“What are you planning?” I asked, looking around the room.

But he didn’t reply as he put me down on the bed on my stomach and pulled the towel to right below my lower back. I put my head on his lap as I took a deep breath, closing my eyes, as well as wrapped my arms around him gently.

“You’ve worked hard. Rhysand and I talked things out and he decided just now that this would be our house. It’s quite big so you got enough space to do anything, and it isn’t too far from the others if you get bored.”

“So, it isn’t just to make me apologize for hitting him in the face?” I asked, softly.

The cold oil hit my back and I couldn’t help but shiver at it. Azriel seemed to find it quite hilarious as he started to work the oil into my skin with his hands, being gentle on the bruises covering my body.

“No, it isn’t just because you hit him. He really didn’t mind that, or so he says. Feyre is a little moody over it, but she’ll get over it.”

I nodded softly as I let out small groans as he hit sore spots, knowing he was trying his best to not cause any harm to me, both mentally and physically. He started humming softly, something that I guessed someone had sung for him when he was tired at a young age. There was so much that I still didn’t know about him, yet I felt like I knew more than others perhaps did.

“Cassian still shouldn’t have beaten you up this much,” he mumbled underneath his breath as he kneaded the oil into my skin softly. “He should have stopped you before you got seriously hurt.”

“I’ve been hurt worse before, Azriel.”

“Please, don’t remind me.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to think of the times I thought I would lose you, Aaliz.”

There was something with his words that made it impossible to not understand, even when he was mumbling. I stretched my arms slightly and sat slowly up, pulling the towel up and turned around, leaning into him as I closed my eyes. He wrapped his arms around me and put his head on top of mine as he breathed out softly. It wasn’t just I that had trained these past few weeks, it seemed like he had been training as well, just not at the same way I had done.

“You know, I would burn down the world for you if you were to disappear. Or wander around until I found you,” he whispered into my hair, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Go and take a bath so we can sleep,” I said softly, tilting my head up slightly to give his chin a small peck.

One moment, then another went by before I felt my head on the pillow and could hear him head into the bathroom. I shook my head slightly as I slipped out of the bed and slipped on some undergarments that had been prepared. Who it was that prepared all of these things must be someone with a lot of time on their hands or have the power to do these small meaningful things. I just shook my head and went back into bed, crawling under the covers softly and curled up with my back to Azriel’s side of the bed. And it didn’t take long before I felt the weight on the bed shift and him laying next to me, his arms wrapped around me softly.

“I love you.”

We laid there, just taking in the silence and each other’s heartbeat, finding the silence in knowing we were both alive. It didn’t take long before Azriel started to run his fingers through my hair, the humming starting all over again. His humming was like heaven on earth, it was all I could ever need to survive through the darkest of times. I turned around in the bed, resting my forehead against his chest as his humming got stopped for a moment of his angelic chuckle. But it soon returned to normal as he held me firmly in his arms but giving me enough space to be able to move around if needed.

“I’ll keep fighting on, through the dark and good times,” I mumbled, feeling myself drift off to sleep as I was focused on his humming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, everyone! I made a trailer for this fan fic!  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpFCGbRAN9M


	22. bryaxis

When the sun shone through the window and hit me straight in the face, I knew this was what I wanted my life with Azriel to be like, a safe place for our hearts. I groaned slightly as I moved out of the bed, my muscles screaming at me to just go back to bed again. But Azriel wasn’t there, which meant that either he was making breakfast, or Rhysand had needed him for some important things. And by the silence in the house, I figured it was the latter. I stretched slightly before I went to get dressed in a dress, so it wasn’t too much for my body, and I didn’t have training, so I didn’t want to wear anything tight fitted.

“Don’t you look ravishing?” a dark voice said from the living room as I entered.

“You should have announced that you were coming so I could prepare something for you," I said, taking a quick glance over at Tamlin sitting in one of the chairs. “And you are on dangerous waters.”

He just shook his head, watching me closely as I sat down in the chair on the opposite side than him, raising my eyebrow at him slightly.

“I’m not your enemy, Aaliz. If I were, I wouldn’t have saved you back there.”

“People keep saying that they’re not my enemy, that they’re my friend, but then they turn their back on me like I’m some hurt animal,” I replied, tapping my nails against my outer thigh, putting my fist against my cheek. “So there has to be something else you should have said than that. And I know you saved me back then, but I still lost my wings.”

Just in that moment, the door opened, and Rachel walked inside with a basket filled with flowers. She looked between us and I could sense Tamlin’s whole expression just change. But he didn’t move from his seat, that could mean two things; he was either afraid, or he hadn’t suspected the arrival of his mate.

“Just put them in the kitchen, Rachel. And thank you for finally visiting,” I said with a soft smile towards the female before looking back at Tamlin, noticing how he was looking at my friend.

Rachel just nodded as she walked towards the kitchen, humming softly. The moment she was out of sight, I stood up from my chair, took the few steps to cross over to where Tamlin was sitting before grabbing the dagger I had tied to my thigh and put it underneath his chin, forcing him to look at me. And he did, for who wanted to die a death without any last words? Not that I would let him get any if I were to kill him one day, but I still owed him my life.

“You are not to make the same mistake twice, you hear me? She is in the lead and you play a puppy by her feet. One tear from her and I’ll rip you to shreds,” I threatened, keeping my posture despite my whole body just screaming at me to stop.

If I didn’t know better I would have thought that Tamlin looked terrified there he sat and looked up at me, seeming to be in deep thoughts as he had the dagger dangerously close to his throat. There were so many reasons I could dig the blade into his skin for, but the approaching footsteps forced me to withdraw it and walk back to my seat. I sat back down as Rachel came back with a pot of tea, a small smile on her face as she sat it in front of me.

“I can come back if there is something going on,” she said carefully.

“There certainly isn’t, beside the stench of a high lord wanting to take control of his mate.”

Rachel glanced at Tamlin, her small smile turning into a frown as she sat down in the seat next to me, her hands folded on her lap. Tamlin looked at me for several moments before he let out a sigh, shaking his head.

“I am here to invite all of you to the gala at spring court, and I would like some help planning it.”

“Rachel, why don’t you go? You are very obsessed with flowers and maybe you can get some sense into his head,” I said, sliding the dagger over to my friend.

She looked at the dagger before nodding, taking it in her hand. There was no more needed to being said, so Tamlin stood up from his seat, bowed slightly out of respect, or something before he walked out of the door and disappeared. I just chuckled as I shook my head, leaning back in my seat, closing my eyes.

“Did you suggest that only because I’m his mate?”

“You’re dumb sometimes, you know that? You are not only _his_ mate, but he is also _yours_ and there is nothing that says he shouldn’t listen to his own mate. And maybe you could get some sense into him and get some political power through his destroyed court.”

“First we got to build up his court.”

It was like she was reading my thoughts as she patted my knee about three times before standing up and walking out of the house, leaving me alone with the silence. I used this opportunity to take a moment to myself and take a deep breath, closing my eyes as I remembered everything that had happened up to now.

 _‘Maybe I should send a letter to them,’_ she thought to herself as she opened her eyes again.

Getting up, I could hear him before he wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on the top of my head. But I stopped as I took a small sniff in the air, he didn’t smell like his usual self. I broke free from his embrace, turned to him, and rose an eyebrow at the shadowsinger.

“You smell like roses.”

“Elain needed help in the garden, she planted roses. That is the only reason, and you already know Elain so-“ he rose an eyebrow as I had pushed him into the chair and put my hands on his shoulders – “so I thought it was okay.”

I opened my mouth to say something when the door got thrown open and Cassian walked straight inside. But it wasn’t the fact that he almost destroyed the door that worried me, it was the expression on his face as he saw us.

“We have to go, now.”

†

Elain also smelled like roses, so I figured that Azriel’s words had been the truth. She was talking to Lucien, while Nesta was glaring at them. Azriel went over to Rhysand and Feyre to take a chat, I just went to the edge of the cliff, the dress flowing behind my legs as I took in the sight. They looked like ants, tiny ants that was ready to be crushed.

“Are you crazy? That is sending her into a suicide mission!” Azriel yelled out of nowhere.

“Calm down, boy. She won’t be alone. Cassian will be there as-“ but he didn’t get to finish his sentence before Azriel had started to walk over to me. “Azriel, it’s our only chance!”

But I didn’t dare ask about anything as he stopped next to me, gave my cheek a small peck before disappearing into the shadows. _‘Why are you leaving?’_ I thought to myself as I glanced over my shoulder. Rhysand and Feyre seemed restless, but if I hadn’t been here, they would have figured out a way out of this. So why were they trying to use the powers I still hadn’t figured out completely? They were more powerful than her, so why rely on her?

 _Jump._ But it hadn’t been through the bond, so it hadn’t been Azriel. I looked down at the height and I did not like it. _I said jump!_ The voice was screaming and before I could even register it, a strong wind appeared out of nowhere. No one reacted so they hadn’t felt it, so how come I was now in a freefall without them knowing? But I had to admit, it was quite peaceful as there was no bugging. Everything went black, but I was still awake. I knew it wasn’t Azriel’s shadows, these didn’t seem like the kind ones.

“What do you want with me?” I called out, looking around.

_“What do I want? What do you want? Is it power that you seek? The truth? Everything?”_

“What will the price be if I strike a deal with you? And you already have a deal with Feyre.”

_“That child? She hasn’t even given me company. The price would be easy, lend me your body until your time runs out and I’ll send you back to where you belong when that time comes.”_

I tried to move, but my body was frozen in fear. What was the goal? She knew the night court was looking for Bryaxis, but why did it approach her when she could just extent the bargain with Feyre?

_“Think about it, you will finally be able to protect the people you love, and the war will finally end.”_

Azriel’s smiling face appeared before me, the warmth being enough for to soothe me to sleep. Moments of our times flashed in front of my eyes, but they were slowly being stained with a dark red colour.

 _“You don’t love me, you loved him.”_ It wasn’t Bryaxis’ voice that I heard, it was Azriel’s. I forced my hands to cover my ears. _“Why are you always lying.”_

This wasn’t the truth, he didn’t think that way about me, I knew he didn’t. If he did, why had he gone through all he had for me? Everything went over each other; I couldn’t think straight as I could feel the hands grabbing me all over. I forced to my knees, my hands still covering my ears. Then I heard a scream, all too familiar, but it was distant.

_“The truth is out there, Aaliz. All you got to do is find it.”_

A pair of hands grabbed my shoulders, shaking me, but I couldn’t hear what was being said. Bryaxis’ words were still going on loop, and the distant scream continued. The pair of hands let go before I was pulled into a tight hug, the familiar scent taking over all of my senses.

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” she repeated, stroking my hair, “you survived.”

I blinked a few times, the screaming stopped, and my throat was dry. Nesta held me strongly in her arms, not seeming to want to let go any time soon. She only loosened her grip when my body went numb, but she didn’t let go immediately.

“You don’t need to force yourself; we will find another way. They have already called Azriel, so please calm down. I know, it was terrifying, feeling like you are being ripped apart from the inside and not having a way out.”

How come she could explain what I was feeling so easy? Even I had time struggling to find the words to describe it, but then I recalled; she had the cauldron’s powers running through her veins. With that as comfort, I put my head on her shoulder and closed my eyes. The last time I remembered was Nesta starting to sing a lullaby of some sort. But little did I know that the truth was much more brutal than what Bryaxis had made her hear.


End file.
